


Hero Origin - Stick of Truth

by TsubasaDaisuke



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, SoutH Park in General
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28070769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsubasaDaisuke/pseuds/TsubasaDaisuke
Summary: First precuel to "A Hero in Need". The Stick of Truth story from the point of view of my New Kid
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. New Kid in South Park

“We are almost there”

“Yes. I’m so excited, at last we are finally going to have a place to call home”

“That’s right, I’m so happy”

“What about you? Are you excited too D…?”

“What’s up?”

“He is asleep”

“It has been a long ride”

“Yes, but it’s finally going to be over, or should I say a brand-new start”

* * *

**New Kid P.O.V**

_A knock on a door made me wake up, I look around me and I don’t recognize where I’m. I think hard and remember that we were in the middle of moving, I must have fall sleep. I hear the knock again follow by my mom voice_

“Honey, are you dress?” She said

_I check if I am and I’m dress, it would be weird if I wasn’t_

My parents enter the room “Hey kiddo, how do you like your new room?” My dad asks

_I look around again and there’s not much, but I think I can fix it good_

“I’m glad that you like it” My mom said after I didn’t answer

“Son… Do you remember why we came to this remote town in the mountains?” My dad asks

_I do… I wish I didn’t_

“He doesn’t remember” My mon whispers to my dad

“He doesn’t remember at all” My dad whispers too

_I can hear them. There is no way I could forget…_

“Well hon, we are finally here, we want you to have tons of friends and that you can grow like a happy kid” Mom said

“So, go out and have an adventure son” My dad said and give me 2 dollars “In case you need it”

_We stay like that for a moment, my parents waiting for me to reply_

“Yes, we love you too” My dad said sarcastically and leave my room

Mom kiss me on my forehead and before leaving said “Have fun hon”

_I put my money on pants and grab my cellphone. I might as well go out; dad will get mad at me if I don’t. I got off my room and down the stairs and before going out mom waves at me goodbye while dad reads the newspaper_

_I step outside and the cold air hits me making me shiver. I hate cold, I’m only wearing a blue tank top, jeans and sneakers, we are at the end of summer and it feels like we are in the middle of winter, brrr…_

“Help, help!” I hear nearby

_I look around and in front of the neighbor’s house two kids are fighting, one with a wooden sword dress like Peter Pan and the other with an actual hammer dress weirdly and with a tiara_

“Someone, help!” The kid with the tiara yell

_Looks like they are in some kind of game, I probably shouldn’t get involve and I start walking away_

“Aaahhhh!” I heard and look back

_The kid with the tiara was on the floor while Peter Pan was hitting him strongly with his sword. It looks too real… I gasp as I saw the tiara kid bleed a little from the attack from the other. I run at them quickly and hit Peter Pan hard onto the snow_

“What? Not fair” The Peter Pan kid said and ran away

_I help the tiara kid stand up and he smile at me_

“Thanks kid, I didn’t know he had a health potion” He said

_A what?_

“I don’t think I seen you before” The tiara kid said “Oh! You must be the new kid”

_I suppose, I moved here a few hours ago. I point to his wound in his head_

“This?” He says “Don’t worry, I’m ok, I had worse. Thank you for saving me” He says but still worries me “The grand wizard has been waiting for your arrival, he lives in the green house, over there” He said pointing to the house next to this one

_The grand wizard? It must be something about their game, but he has been waiting for me? Why?_

“He told me to take you there as soon as you arrive, do you want to come?” He said

_I don’t know. If I go, they’ll probably get me into their game and it looks like they are very physical about it… I really don’t want to play a game like that. I’m about to tell him no but he looks at me with puppy eyes… God dammit, he is too cute, I can’t say no to someone like him…_

I nod and he smiles “Great, follow me” He says and grab my hand and walks me to the other house “My name is Butters, well my name is actually Leopold, but I like Butters better, and I’m a paladin, so I’m Butters the Merciful. I live in this house and that means we are neighbors” He says

_So, Butters… I can see why they call him like that, he is so sweet that you can make candies of him_

“Where did you live before coming here?” He asks and wait a little after I don’t answer “Do you like Colorado?” He asks and wait “Looks like you don’t talk a lot, don’t worry I can talk for both of us” He said smiling

_We arrive at the wizard’s house and Butters rings the doorbell_

“Well, here we are. Hey new kid, I was wondering if you… want to be friends…” Butters said nervously “I don’t have many friends, so I was wondering if you want to…”

_Butters suddenly seems very small. He looks like a super sweet kid; I wonder why he says he doesn’t have friends; I think he’ll be one of the popular kids. I don’t have a reason to say no_

I nod and Butters face lit “You mean it?” He asks and I nod again “Thanks, I promise to be a good friend, if you need anything just talk to me, ok?”

_He looks happy and I’m happy too, I glad Butters was the first person I meet in town_

_The door finally opens, and I see a kid morbidly obese in colorful robes at the other side and the only thing I can think of is… I love his hat_

“All hail the grand wizard” Butters yell

“So, you are the new kid” The wizard says “Your arrival was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the wizard king. But the time to talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom”

_The wizard walked into his house signaling me to follow. That looked so scripted, I wonder how many times he practiced it_

“His name is Eric Cartman, everyone calls him by his last name… sometimes he is nice” Butters said after the wizard was out of sight

_Sometimes?_

“Hey, what are you two waiting for? Come on!” Cartman yell at us

“We should go” Butters said and got in

_I walk through Cartman’s house, I wave at his mom only to get scold by Cartman telling me that she is not part of the game. We reach his backyard, it was decorated like a medieval kingdom, there were 3 more kids there, a kid with a helmet in front of a trash can filled with makeshift weapons, Butters tell me his name is Clyde, another kid inside of a pen with a cat, Cartman say his name is Scott Malkinson and he has the power of diabetes, whatever that is, and finally a girl in a Zelda costume from Twilight Princess, who apparently is a guy, his name is Kenny and I can’t understand what he says_

“What do you thi…?” Bitters tried to say

“Shut up Butters” Cartman interrupted him “So new kid, before you can play with us, you need to select a class”

_I still don’t understand what this game is about, but alright, what do you got?_

“You can choose between a Warrior, Mage, Thief and Jew” Cartman said

_Say what?_

_Butters give me four cards describing each class. The warrior is a tank with the ability to deal more damage the more defense he has, that’s OP. The mage uses a wide variety of spells to inflict bad status on the opponent, that’s good. The thief has high attack and deal more damage to bleeding targets, so bleeding is a big part of the game. The Jew is a mischievous class and only bad people play it… What? Who wrote this?_

_I don’t want to make other kids bleed, the bad status sound fishy and I’m not Jew, so I think we have a winner. I give 3 cards back to Butters and give the warrior card to Cartman_

“A warrior, huh?” Cartman says “Alright, now you must tell us thy name”

_I remain silent as per usual, Cartman face grew annoyed as time pass_

“Hey Eric” Butters whisper to him “I think he doesn’t like to talk”

“What? What a weirdo” Cartman whisper back, but I can totally hear them “What? What did you say new kid?”

_I didn’t say shit_

“You say your name was Douchebag” Cartman said

_What?_

“Are you sure you want to keep the name Douchebag?” Cartman said

_Oh, I see…_

“Very well. I, the Wizard King, welcome you, Douchebag the Warrior, to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep”

“Hurray” Butters happily yelled

_This is going to be a long game…_

_Cartman give me the warrior basic costume and I walk back inside to change in to it, on my way back I see that Kenny is looking at a flower near the door, I grab it an give it to him, he giggles and he gives me a muffled thank you_

“I see you manage to befriend the breathtaking Princess Kenny, good on you” Cartman says

“The warrior armor looks good on you” Butters says

“Yeah, whatever” Cartman says “Now that you have your armor you need a weapon, go buy one at our weapon shop”

_I walk to Clyde, he is polishing his wooden sword_

“Are you interested in a wares weary traveler?” He says “Or maybe do you want to hear some tips and rumors for a dollar?”

_Tips and rumors are always good at the start of the game, so I pay for them_

Clyde takes my money and say “Don’t waste your money on tips and rumors”

_Of course…_

“Here is your sword, noble warrior” Clyde says giving me a short wooden sword “Is one dollar”

_I give Clyde the rest of my money and Cartman walk to us_

“Great, you have procured a weapon, now is time to teach you how to fight, now with the bravery of a noble knight, beat up Clyde” Cartman said

“What?” Clyde said

“Kick Clyde ass, Douchebag” Cartman said

“Why? I did everything you told me to” Clyde said

“I’m the king Clyde, and the king wishes to be amused. Go on Douchebag, kick his ass” Cartman said

_We move into an open area of the yard, everyone in the Kingdom came to watch us fight. Clyde had his sword and a shield, while I only had my sword, Cartman explained how the combat works, but before he was over Clyde launched himself towards me, I blocked him with my sword and jump back_

“What the fuck Clyde, I haven’t finish talking” Cartman yelled

_But he didn’t listen, he thrusted his sword again at me and I evade it this time, I swing at Clyde but he blocked it with his shield, he pushed me back and used that opportunity tackle me and throw me to the ground_

“Is over New Kid” Clyde said

_He raised his sword to finish me off, I didn’t want to lose, so I throw a snowball to his face, he defended with his shield and I use that time to get back up, I slam myself into his shield making Clyde lose balance, I hit his sword off his hand and then proceed to launch a flurry of slashed into his shield, he could only move back until he hit the fence, he fall down already losing any hope to win. I prepare to stab him and launch my attack, until I saw tears forming in Clyde’s eyes and fail my attack on purpose, Clyde looked surprised at me_

“OMG I think I see blood!” Cartman yelled “Yeah Douchebag, Clyde is your bitch. Haha”

_The fight was over, Clyde was confused, everyone thought that my final attack actually hit Clyde. I lend my hand to Clyde to help him get up, then I move it to the side of his stomach so he could pretend that I hit him, Clyde realized that and went with it, because if he didn’t do it Cartman would probably make us fight again. Everyone returned to his places and I when with Clyde to the weapon shop_

“Why did you do it?” He asked me

_I shrug my shoulders. I didn’t want to hurt him and it looks like he didn’t want to fight._

Clyde sigh and gave me back my money “Now we are even” He said

_I smile at him and he look away_

“Douche, if you finish talking with your whore, we have somethings to discuss” Cartman yell at me

_I look at Cartman annoyed_

“Just go already” Clyde said annoyed too

_Sigh… this actually is going to be a long game…_


	2. Raid

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_After the fight with Clyde, Cartman call me, apparently, he wanted to show me something, we entered his tent and there were tons of junk, mostly props they probably use for the game_

“Here it is, the reason why human and elves are in a never-ending war, The Stick of Truth” Cartman said

_In front of us there was a common branch on a pedestal with a light bulb shining above it_

“A few days ago, we took the Stick from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whatever control the Stick, controls the universe”

_Ok, let me see if I understand. The game is about human vs elves for the control of this branch, because the team who has the branch can make the rules. I must admit, is a good premise_

“Don’t gaze it too long. Its power is too much for mere mortals” Cartman said looking away

_Ok…_

“Now that you have seen the Stick, let’s discuss your dues”

_What?_

“Being a member of my kingdom cost 9.95 for the first week, 4 dollars of which is tax deductible”

_I have to pay you to play, what?_

“ALARM, ALARM, ALARM!” Someone yelled from outside

“Someone has sounded the alarm” Cartman pointed the obvious

“ALARM, ALARM, ALARM!” Butters entered the tent screaming

“What’s wrong?” Cartman asked

“The elves are attacking” Butters said

“Oh my god, defensives positions” Cartman yelled and ran outside

“You should come too Douchebag” Butters told me and ran outside too

_I went outside and saw an army of kids in green costumes, Kenny and Scott were already battling and Clyde came to us_

“Give us the stick humans” One of the elves said

“Fuck you, drow elves. Come and get it!” Cartman yell at them “Clyde guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress”

“Aye, Aye” Clyde said and went inside the tent

“Aye, Aye? We are not playing pirates, Clyde” Cartman said “This is your chance to prove yourself Douchebag, hold of the assholes elves at all cost”

_I don’t like Cartman bossing me around, but I want to help the other kids. I look around and saw 3 elves on fancier costumes that were more likely to be their generals, Kenny was fighting one near the entrance and Butters was fighting another on the other side of the yard, Scott was fighting the last one near the house but was struggling to keep up_

_I run to help Scott who was about to be taken out by the elf, I hit the elf on his side making him move away from Scott_

“Thanks, New Kid” Scott told me

_I nod and help him get back up. The elf looked was a warrior with the same weapons as Clyde, so I knew what I need to do, I slashed continuously his shield to break his balance, but he stayed strong, he tackled me back and attacked me with his sword, I managed to block it at the last second with my own, the elf was stronger that I though, it was silly to think the same strategy would work on everyone. The elf was on the offensive while I could only defend myself, I couldn’t think of anything as he keep attacking me, that was until Scott launch a surprise attack and managed to make the elf drop his shield, the elf shocked by this tried to move back, but I managed to give him the finishing blow knocking him down_

“That was rough, wasn’t it?” Scott said panting

_It was, I thought I was going to help Scott, but he ended saving me_

“I need to rest and eat something. You go and help the others” Scott said as he sat on the snow

_I went to help Butters who was fighting the elf general and another elf_

“Hey New Kid, I can use a little help” Butter said as he saw me

_The general had a long spear that he used to keep Butters at bay, while the other attacked with a bow, Butters only had his hammer, so he had no choice to be on the defense_

“I can beat the one with the spear, but every time I see an opening the other shoot at me. I tried to make him waste his arrows, but because we are running in circles, he just picks them back up” Butter said

_I nodded, this was a tough fight for a single person, but now that we are together, we can beat them. We run to opposites sides with Butters running near the spear guy to draw him to him, as soon as they started fighting the archer elf prepared to shoot, but before that I throw a snowball at him to distract him. I started to attack the lone archer, the general heard us and try to come help him and that opening was all Butters needed to beat him up, I managed to finish with the archer quickly, in close range he didn’t stand a chance_

“You are good Douche” Butters told me

_I know how to defend myself, I’m more impressed that a nice-looking boy, like Butters, is as strong_

“We are almost done, let’s go help Ken” Butters said

_We run towards the other side of the “kingdom” were Kenny was battling the last general on his own, we ready our weapons when suddenly…_

“Retreat, Retreat!” The general yelled

“What?” Butters said as the elves started to run away

_We stand still not knowing what happened. It wasn’t a lose fight for the elves, all the people on our team was tired and they could easily sweep us. We reach Kenny who was confused as us and Scott join us soon after_

“Take that assholes elves! Better luck next time!” Cartman yelled taunting the other kids

“Emm…” We heard someone from behind as Cartman continued

_It was Clyde getting out of the then, he had a lot of bruises and looked tired… Oh no, don’t tell me…_

Clyde got near us “It’s gone”

“Huh?” Cartman stopped

“The Stick of Truth, the elves got it” Clyde said

“THAT WAS YOUR ONE GOD DAMMED JOB, TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!” Cartman yelled venomously

_Clyde was terrified, while everyone else took a step back_

“Clyde… you are hereby, BANISH FROM SPACE AND TIME!” Cartman yelled at Clyde

“What? You can’t do that” Clyde said

“Yes, I can, I’m the Wizard King and I do whatever I want” Cartman said

“I’m your only warrior, Butters can’t fight on the front lines alone” Clyde tried to reason

“You WERE our only warrior” Cartman said looking at me

_Oh shit…_

“You are replacing me with the New Kid!” Clyde said

“His name is Douchebag and you shall address him like that” Cartman said snickering

_Clyde look at me full of rage_

“Fine!” Clyde yelled and took of his helmet and threw it at me “Take it! I don’t need it anymore!” Clyde yelled and leave

_Before leaving Clyde look at me one more time, he was crying. I didn’t want this to happen, he didn’t deserve that. Yes, they took the branch, but it looks like Clyde fight to the bitter end to defend it. This isn’t his fault, if it was someone fault it should be Cartman’s, he didn’t do anything through the entire invasion_

Cartman pick up Clyde’s helmet and hold it in front of me “Here Douchebag, take this helmet as welcome to our kingdom”

_I was furious. How dare he take that. I was about to hit him, but Kenny stopped me, I looked at him and he just shook his head. Even without words I know what he was saying. I wasn’t going to beat Cartman…_

_I took the helmet and put it on_

“It looks good on you” Cartman said and I just growl at him “But we don’t have time for this, we need to recover the Stick of Truth, we’ll have to assembly our entire army to do it”

“But our three best men haven’t reported for duty” Butter said

“The new kid can take care of that” Cartman said “Douchebag, I want you to go through the neighborhood and find our three greatest allies, Token, Tweek and Craig”

_I don’t know who those are_

Cartman gave me three letters “Give this to them and they’ll know what to do. Now go my warrior”

_I look at the letter not knowing what to do. I don’t know if I want to keep playing this…_

“Butters go with him” Cartman said

“Alright” Butters answered “Let’s go Douchebag”

_We leave the kingdom with Butters leading the way_

“We should go with Tweek first” Butters said as we walk “He’ll be the easiest to talk”

_I just follow Butters as I look at the floor depressed_

“Then we should go to Token, I don’t like his guard but maybe we won’t meet him”

_Mmm… This is why I don’t like to make friends…_

“And on the way back we can go to Craig’s, what do you say?”

_All is going to end the same, there is no reason to try…_

“Douche…?”

_I bump into Butters, I didn’t realize he stopped_

“Are you ok?”

_What?_

“You are crying”

_I am? I touch my face and there were tears. I look at Butters and he had a worried look_

“Are you feeling guilty of what happened to Clyde?”

_I looked away and nod_

Butters hugged me “Don’t be, that was in no way your fault, they got us, no one expected them to sneak for the stick”

_I took off Clyde helmet and watch it closely. I don’t think he would forgive me_

“Also, Clyde is a very nice guy, he won’t hold a grudge against you”

“You think so…?” I say with a low and broken voice

“I’m sure” Butters said and grab the helmet and put it back on my head “But first we need to get back the stick and then we can talk Cartman into letting Clyde comeback, and then you can return that helmet back to him, right?” He said smiling

_I nod and clean my tears_

Butters giggle “You have a very cute voice”

_I TALKED!? Holy shit, I did talk… Why? I haven’t spoken in years… I look back at Butters smiling. I close my eyes and remember everyone back at the kingdom, Clyde, Scott, Kenny… Maybe… Maybe things will end differently this time_

“Are you ready to keep going?” Butters said and I answered with a smile “Great” Butters smile too


	3. Travels

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_We travel through town to reach a little coffee shop called Tweek’s coffee near the edge of the residential area, there is a movie theater and a park near it, so it looks like is in a good location_

“Hey New Kid” Butters said “Be patient with Tweek, ok. He is a kind person, but he is always on edge, so don’t get too freak out”

_Why is that? Butters took my hand and we got in, the place is warm, there are a few tables and a counter with pastries, we got close to the counter and an employee with a badge that said “Mr. Tweak” greet us_

“Welcome to Tweek’s coffee. Coffee made with local organic ingredients, it’s local coffee, brew locally” Mr. Tweak said

_I’m gonna guest he is the owner, he looks like a nice guy_

“Tweek! Tweek!” He yelled

“GAHH!” We heard a kid yell from the backroom

“Have you pick our fresh local ingredients?!” Mr. Tweak yelled back

“NOT YET DAD, I’M STILL FINISHING MY CHORES!” The kid from the back room yelled

“Well, hurry up, the family business is relaying on you” Mr. Tweak said as the kid in the back screamed in despair

_I look back at Butters with a face of WTF_

“Yeah… On edge…” Butters said

_Ok, I see what’s going on, this guy exploits his son. We leave the counter and walk into the backroom, there were tons of coffee bags and various machines and in the middle, there was a blond boy with an apron sweeping the floor, he was shaking and had various nervous tics, poor kid_

“Hey Tweek” Butters said getting the blond attention

“Gah! Butters” He said looking at us “AAAHHHH! BUTTERS! THERE IS AN STRANGER BESIDE YOU! RUN!” He yelled terrified

“Oh no, this is the new kid, he moved here today, remember, Eric talked about it” Butters said not faze by the kid screams

“Gaahhh… Oh yes, I remember” The kid said calming down “What’s his name?”

“Emm… He doesn’t talk a lot, so we don’t know… But Eric named him Douchebag and he wants us to call him like that” Butters said

“Ah… I’m sorry you have to put with this” He said talking to me for the first time

_I just wave at him letting him know that is ok_

“And Douche, this is Tweek Tweak, the son of the owner of the coffee shop and a barbarian” Butters said

“Hello…” He greeted me “And why are you here?”

_I give him the letter Cartman gave me_

“What? They took the stick? They need me now! I can’t, I have too much to do” He said and garbed me by the shoulders “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO ALL OF THIS…! Wait you” He let me go “Can you guys get the 4 ó clock delivery? If you guys do that, I should be able to finish my chores in time and go to play. What do you say?”

“Well, I’m ok with that, and you Douche?” Butters said

_I nod. If I can make this kid’s life easier in any way, I’ll help him_

“Great” He said and gave me a folded piece of paper “Is in Kenny’s house, like always. Thanks” He said and went back to sweeping

_I put the paper in my pocket and leave the shop. Butters started to lead the way towards Kenny’s house_

“Why do you think the ingredients to the coffee are at Kenny’s?” Butters asked

_I don’t know, maybe his parents have an organic farm?_

_We kept walking for some minutes and as we did the landscape started to get worse and worse, I think we are in the poorest part of town. We crossed the train tracks and we stopped at a rundown house, is here where Kenny live?_

_Butters knock the door and a woman with a “I’m with a stupid” shirt came out_

“Hello Ms. McCormick” Butters greeted her

“Oh, hello Leopold. Kenny is not here, I thought he was with you at Eric’s house” He said sweetly

“He is, but we are here to get a package from the Tweaks” Butters said “Emm, Douche”

_I jump surprised, I was too focus analyzing Kenny’s livelihood. I got the folded paper and gave it to Kenny’s mom_

“And who is this little guy?” She said

“He is the new kid, he moved here today” Butters said

“I see, nice to meet you new kid” She said and wait for my answer “Is something wrong with him?” She asked Butters

“No, he just doesn’t like to talk” Butters said

“I see” She said and read the paper “Oh, this isn’t for me, this is for the nice people that are renting the guest house out in the back, go and give it to them”

“Alright, thanks Ms. McCormick” Butters said

“You are welcome kids” She gave me back the paper and went back inside

“Ok, let’s go” Butters said

_But… there is no guest house in the back…_

_Butters walked to the garage and open it, we went inside and there were a bunch of people who doesn’t look ok, there were scary, but Butters wasn’t faze_

“Hello, we are here for the Tweak’s delivery” Butters said

“Huh, the Tweak’s order… Yeah, I have it right here” One guy said and grabbed a paper bag

_I look around the room, it was in a horrible state, there were only a mattress, a fridge and a bunch of tables with various chemistry sets, they smell horrible… and… some of them looks like… No…_

“Hey, you are not the usual kid that picks up the package” The guy said

“Oh shit, is a COP!” Another one yelled

“What?” Butters said

_The three adults that were in the garage jumped at Butters, he barely managed to use his hammer to push them away and run between the tables_

“What is happening? Douche… Douche!” Butters yelled at me

_I was kneeling on the floor hugging myself, I was terrified, just the smell and sight of the drugs made me unable to move, luckily all the druggies were completely focus on Butters_

_Butters jumped from one place to the other destroying everything he touched_

“Come here you little shit” One of them yelled

“I’m sorry” Butters said

_Butters was trap in a corner as the druggies slowly moved towards him, suddenly behind them a table fell, on it an ignited cigarette touch a green chemical causing a strong explosion sending the druggies flying away and saving Butters. Butters run towards me and shake me getting me out my trance_

“Douche, are you ok?” He said worried

_I nod, I didn’t know what was happening, I just hug him, I wanted to get away from there. Butters carried me, grabbed the Tweak’s package and get us out of there_

_When I opened my eyes, we were on the other side of the train tracks_

“Oh Douche, you finally wake up, thank God” Butters said

“What happen?” I said without thinking

“There were some bad people in Kenny’s guest house, they attack me, we managed to escape, you were shaking a lot and pass out, I was worried” He said

_I see… the drugs made me had a panic attack…_

“Thank you for saving me”

“That’s what friends are for, right?” Butters said smiling “Also we complete our mission, we got Tweek’s package” Butters said showing me the paper bag

_I got a chill and took it from Butters, I open it and close it instantly. There’s no way…_

“What’s in there?” Butters asked me

“Coffee… Special Coffee…” I said putting the bag away

“Ok, let’s return back to Tweek so he can come to play” Butter said, and we started to walk back

_There is no way…_

_We arrive to the shop and went into the backroom, Tweek ran at us as soon as he saw us_

“You are back, did you get the delivery?” He said and I gave him the paper bag “Great. DAD! I FINISH MY CHORES, CAN I GO OUT TO PLAY?” He yelled

Mr. Tweak entered the room “Did you get the ingredients?”

“Yes” He said and gave him the bag

_Mr. Tweek open the bag and taste his contents_

“Yeah, that’s good shit. Ok, you can go, but come back before it gets dark” He said and started mixing the contents of the bag with the coffee blends

“Thanks guys, I’ll get changed and I meet you at the kingdom” Tweek said and leave

_We leave too and start walking to the next location_

“We’ll go to Token’s next, is nearby so it won’t take us too long” Butters said leading the way

“Hey Butters…” I said

“What’s up?”

“Does Tweek drinks his parents’ coffee?”

“Well… yeah, his parents own the coffee shop, so he is always drinking it. Some people say doesn’t drink anything else, no water or milk, just plain black coffee all the time” Butters said

“I see…”

_I think we did something really bad… poor kid…_

* * *

_We walked a few minutes and we arrive to a gigantic mansion not too far away from the coffee shop, the house was big, and it has a fence that surrounded almost everything nearby_

Butters sighed “I hope the guard isn’t here”

_We got close to the fence door but a fat guy in uniform block us the way_

“Sorry sir, this is private property, I must ask you to leave” He said

“Hello sir. Emm, we are Token’s friends and we were wondering if he can come out to play” Butter said

_The guard didn’t say anything, he got out a can of pepper spray and pointed to Butters’ face, in panic I push him out of the way getting me hit by the spray instead. Everything burns, my face, my eyes, nose and mouth, Butters pull me away, I didn’t know where we were or what were we doing until Butters started splashing water on my face_

“Douchebag, are you ok? You are not blind, are you? I’m sorry you got hit because of me…” Butters said panicking

_The water washed out the pepper and Butters gave me his cape to clean my face, after what’s seems an eternity, I finally opened my eyes, we were in some kind of public restroom_

Butters jumped to hug me “Thank god you are ok”

_I hug him too and pet his back to help him calm down. After that we walk out of the restroom and back to the street, it looks like we were in a mall_

Butters let out a big sigh “What are we going to do now?”

_Yeah, that guard will most probably spray us as soon as he sees us without listening to us, if we had something to cover out faces, something like a plastic bag_

“What are you thinking Douchebag?” Butters asked

_I cover my face with my shirt to try to convey my idea to Butters_

“Why are you doing that…? Ooohh, you want something to cover our faces from the pepper spray” Butters started thinking hard “Oh, I know where we can find something that can help us” He said, and we ran towards the opposite direction of Token’s house

_We stop almost at the other end of the town in front of a place called Jimbo’s Guns, we arrive here in just a couple minutes, South Park is a small town. We entered and the place was full of guns and different weapons_

“Hi Jimbo and Ned” Butters yelled inside

_Inside the store there was 2 guys, a big jolly guy and a thin guy without an arm_

“Hello Butters, what brings you here today, business, pleasure or vengeance” The big guy said

“Vengeance” Butters said happily

“Well, you came to the right place” The thin guy said in a robotic voice, he was also talking to a mic he has as a necklace

“They are Jimbo and Ned, they are uncles of a friend” Butters said to me “And this is the New Kid, he moved in today” He said to them

“Nice to meet you New Kid. What can we do for you?” Jimbo said

“We need something to protect us against pepper spray” Butters said

“Well, that’s easy” Jimbo said and gave Butters a gas mask “This baby was made to endure toxic gases, pepper spray won’t do anything to it”

“Awesome, how much is it?” Butters asked

“Haha, you can borrow it, just when you finish using it give the mask to Stan and I’ll go for it later” Jimbo said

“Alright, thank you” Butters said, and I nod

“Have fun kids” Ned said

_We leave the store and started to walk back to Token’s mansion_

“It’s creepy looking, right?” Butters said holding the mask

_I nod and take the mask from Butters_

“Umm, I think I should use it, you already took a big hit of pepper spray” He said

_I shook my head and put the mask on, I don’t want to put Butters is danger_

“Are you sure?” He asked me

_I nod. We were back in front of the mansion, the guard came annoyed out of his sentry with the bottle of spray in his hand_

“Back for more, huh?” He said and sprayed my face, his face quickly turned in to horror when he noticed it wasn’t working “What the fuck?” He said

_I hit him in the knee with my sword making him back off, he pull out a baton and tried to hit me, I evade it easily and Butters took the chance to hit him in the same spot that I did and the guard fell to the ground_

“I’m sorry, you can go in, just stop hurting me” He begged

_I took of the mask and we finally reach the mansion front door_

“Well, that was easy” Butters said and I nod

_I knock the door and a few moments later an Afro-American kid open it_

“Hello, can I help you?” The kid said

“Hi Token” Butters said

“Oh, hi Butters, what brings you here? And who it this guy?” Token said

“He is the new kid, he moved in today” Butter said

I wave to say hello

“Mmm yeah, I remember Cartman talking about him” Token said an I gave him the letter “What’s this…? I see, the elves took the stick. Give me a minute” He went back in this house and when he was back, he was already dress in his costume “Thanks for delivering this message, traveler. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep. Mom, can you drive me to Eric’s house?” He yelled inside “You guys want me to give you a ride?” He asked

“Nah, we still need to go to Craig’s house” Butters said

“Ooohh… I don’t think you are going to find Craig” Token said

“Why not?” Butters said

“He is in detention” Token said

“What?! Why?” Butter said

“For flipping of the principal” Token said

_Flipping off… What? Flipping off someone is not that big of a deal, or the principal is very strict or that Craig guy loves to flip of people_

“What should we do Douchebag?” Butter said

“Butters… how did you call him?” Token said

“Oh, Cartman want us to call him like that” Butter said

“Of course, he would…” Token said face palming “Sorry for that new kid”

_I nod to tell him it was ok. Well, if Craig is in detention, there is nothing that we can do, let’s report back to Cartman. I signal to Token so he can give us a ride back_

“So, you are coming?” He said and I nod “Alright”

“I hope Eric doesn’t get to angry” Butters said

_Let’s see how it goes_


	4. Prision Break

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_We arrive at Kupa Keep, we were waiting for Cartman because he was ‘brewing potions’ as Butters said. We talk a bit and maybe we can take on the elves without Craig, but it was risky, either way Cartman has the last word_

“Alright, now that all our members are here, it’s time to take back what’s rightfully ours and kick the assholes elves in the process” Cartman said exiting the house, he looked at us carefully “Where is Craig?” He said and no one answered “Where is our thief Feldspar?”

“He is detention” Token said

“What? Why?!” Cartman said

“He flipped off the principal, again” Tweek said

“God dammit. Without Feldspar we won’t be able to reclaim the stick, we need to bust him out”

“No way man, the last time we did it we all got in trouble” Tweek said nervously

“Well that is a risk Douchebag is willing to take” Cartman said proudly

_What? Why Me?_

“Douchebag, this is a mission of vital importance, our army might be small but together no one can bet me, I mean us. Now go, Butters, Kenny go with him” Cartman said going back inside his tent

_What? What I’m I suppose to do. How do you bust someone from detention?_

Kenny and Butters walk to me “Ready to go?” Butters said

_I shook my head, I didn’t know what to do. Kenny talked to me, but I didn’t understand what he was saying_

“You are right Ken” Butters said adding to my confusion

_They both started heading out, so I just follow them. Butters and Kenny stayed in front of me as we walked, they look like they are close friends, I felt out of place. They stop and Kenny said something to me, I think it was ‘Are you ok?’_

_I nod and Butters took my hand pulling me forward_

“I know you don’t like to talk, but you don’t have to sulk behind us” Butters said “Walk beside us, we are friends, right?”

_It’s like Butters can read my mind. Kenny once again said something that I couldn’t understand, he looked at me like waiting for an answer_

“Oh Kenny, I think the new kid can’t understand you” Butters said “Why don’t you take off your scarf”

_Scarf? If he wearing a scarf? Kenny insert his hands inside his parka and pull out a rainbow scarf. Why was he using it inside his parka?_

“What about now? Can you understand me?” Kenny said, it was still muffled because his parka but now I can understand it

_I nod and Kenny let out a happy yeah_

“Alright. Before I said, if you two are already friends? And, can I be your friend too?” Kenny said

_I look at Kenny, from the few times we were together I feel like he is someone trustworthy and, from the way he is dress right now, I think he is fun-loving. I don’t think I have anything against him_

_I nod, Kenny let out a muffled yay and give me a big hug. I look back at Butters and he looked happy too_

_After a few minutes we finally reached the school, it is a big yellow building at the end of our street_

“Ok, it’s time to free the evil Mackey’s prisoners” Butters said

_What? Prisoners?_

“Yes, let’s see if he is torturing them in the dungeon or if he is forcing them to work in the tower. The dungeon is the library and the tower is the cafeteria, by the way” Kenny said to me

_Ok, apparently this just become part of our game, which is fine by me_

_Kenny and Butters ran to a window and I follow them, inside there were a bunch of tables with kids looking to the opposite side, in front was a mobile chalkboard and a super thin adult with a giganormus head. I look around the kids and there was one that stand out from the rest, he was wearing a brown cape and had a big blue hat with a yellow fluff at the top, he was constantly looking at his watch_

“Craig! This is detention, stop looking your watch, M’kay. You’ll be here for three more hours!” The adult yelled

“Whatever” Craig said

“That’s Mr. Mackey, the school counselor” Butters told me

“And don’t think your friends are going to bust you out this time, Craig” Mr. Mackey said

“My name is Felspar the master thief and the humans will soon come and rescue me from this tower” Craig or Felspar said

_Apparently, everyone knows that the cafeteria is the tower and is not something that Kenny and Butters came on the spot_

“No, your name is fucking Craig Tucker and you are in detention, so start doing your homework!” Mr. Mackey yelled “I have all the doors sealed and I have hall monitors working overtime! Nobody is going to save your ass today! M’kay”

“This looks like is going to be tough” Kenny said

“But we can’t leave him here” Butters said

“We can totally leave him here, he doesn’t like us, remember” Kenny said

“Well…”

“But, we kind of need him, so let’s bust his ass out” Kenny said and started heading to the main doors

“Craig is very rude, but he cares a lot for his friends, you are going to like him” Butters told me

_We entered the building, it was mostly empty except for a kid with a band with the school name on it_

“Excuse me” The kid said “The school is out, no one is allowed to enter until tomorrow”

“Kid, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll move out of the way” Kenny threated him

“Oh, you are the ones counselor Mackey warned us about. You are Kenneth McCormick and Leopold Stotch” The kid said

“Don’t call me Kenneth”

“Don’t call me Leopold” They said annoyed

“And you must be the new kid that move in today. Don’t hang out with them new kid, they are the bad seeds of school, don’t let them ruin your future” The kid told me

_I waited for Kenny or Butters to respond but they didn’t, they just keep looking forward to the hall monitor, accepting what he said as fact, that made me mad. I took my wooden sword and launched myself at the kid stabbing/pushing him to the floor_

“Way to go new kid” Butter said happily

Kenny sigh and walk to me “Hey Douche, I mean, new kid. What he said wasn’t wrong, we are kind of the hooligans of town, I mean, we are about to bust someone out of detention. We have problems, some of them pretty big, so…”

_I interrupt him by putting my hand in his mouth_

“Don’t” I told him

“Are you sure?” Kenny asked me

I nod “And Douche”

“What?” Kenny said confused

“Don’t call me new kid. Douchebag is fine”

Kenny let a small laugh “Sure” He said and I walk back to the hall monitor “You were right about his voice” Kenny whispered to Butters

“I know” Butters said happily

_The hall monitor was still on the floor, as I got close, he got out a radio panicking_

“Officer down, officer down! Send back up!” He quickly said “All monitors to the right hallway”

“It looks like it won’t be a sneaky rescue” Kenny said

_I took the radio from the monitor and show it to Kenny and Butters_

“Here they come” We heard someone from the other side

“They are not going to get you Craig. You are not getting out detention” We heard another voice

“I’ll be out of here in ten minutes” Craig said

_Ten minutes, these guys really like to ask for crazy things… Let’s see if we can pull it off_

“Let’s go… Oh no…” Butters said as ginger hall monitors started to swarm us

“Let’s past through them” Kenny said getting his bow ready

_Butters ran in front leading the way, me behind him and Kenny on the back. Butters and I managed to knock most of them, and Kenny pick off anyone who survived. The monitors prepared barricades to stop us, they were sturdy, and we weren’t able to continue_

“What do we do now?” Butters asked

“Let’s go outside, we can enter the cafeteria from the kitchen” Kenny said

“But we don’t have the key for the kitchen, do you think is open?” Butters said

“We should try, unless you can destroy this barrier” Kenny said

_Unless we can destroy this barrier, huh… I don’t like it, but maybe I can… Butters and Kenny where about to leave, but I stop them_

“What? What is it Douche?” Kenny asked me

“Fire…” I said

“Fire? You want to smoke or something?” Kenny said

“Is this ok?” Butter said pulling a lighter of his pants

_I nod and signal them to move back. I fire a piece of paper and put it on the barricade and turn around_

“Dude, that’s not going to destroy that” Kenny said

_I ignore him. I don’t want to do this, but I want to help them as much as I can. I cover my face, crouch and let out a big fart, the fire ignite the fart causing a grand explosion that destroyed the barricade and causing the kids behind it to run away. Kenny and Butters looked in shock of what just happened_

“Dude! That was amazing!” Kenny yelled and I covered my face again “With that power we will rescue Craig in no time”

_I quickly shook my head_

“What do you mean no?” Kenny said “You don’t like it? But it was so big and strong, I never seen anyone fart like that before”

_I pull my shirt over my head and whine in disgust_

“Kenny, stop. He doesn’t like it” Butters said to him

“He-he, alright” Kenny said and pat me in the back “I’m sorry dude, I was just teasing you. You don’t have to do it if you don’t like to” He said and I pull my shirt back down

“I never thought you could use magic Douchebag” Butters said confusing me

“That’s how Cartman calls them, just roll with it” Kenny said “Ok, let’s continue our journey”

_Kenny and Butters ran ahead, I took a second to breath and followed them_

_We reach the cafeteria, Kenny tried to open the door, but it was locked_

“Closed” Kenny said

“Now what?” Butters asked

“You are not going to get through this door, M’kay” We heard Mackey taunting us “You might as well give up, because the only keys to this door are here with me and in my office… Aw, dammit… M’kay”

“Well, we know where to go now” Kenny said

_We walk through the school until we reach the counselor office, so I guess that’s Mr. Mackey_

“It’s locked too” Kenny sighed “God dammit, a silver padlock… Butters give me your hammer”

“What? You can’t break the lock” Butter said

“Yeah, but I can break the door’s window and get inside” Kenny said nonchalantly

“No Kenny, it too dangerous” Butters said

“Then what should we do?” Kenny said

“Emm… guys” I said

_Kenny and Butters look at me and I point to a group of monitors down the hallway, the one farthest in the back was holding a silver key with the exact same color as the padlock_

“You are not going to hit us, right?” The monitor in front said

“Only if you give us the key” Kenny said

“If we do that Mackey will kill us” Another monitor said

“He wouldn’t, he is a nice guy” Butters said

“Metaphorically” The monitor said

“…”

“Get him!” Kenny yell making the kid with the key run away

_The monitors tried to stop us, but Butters and I power through them. We almost caught the kid, but another monitor closed a fence behind him allowing him to escape to the teacher’s lounge_

“This is as far as you get troublemakers” The monitor behind the fence mocked us

“I got this” Kenny said stepping up

_Kenny got near the fence facing the monitor_

“Hey kid” Kenny said

“What?” The monitor said and… What The Fuck…

_Kenny pull down his hoody enough to show his nipples, the hall monitor and me turned red in an instant, and Butters giggle. What’s happening?_

“Like what you see?” Kenny said

_What?_

“Wow, boobies. Must have, must touch” The monitor said

_WHAT???_

_The monitor opened the fence and after getting close enough Kenny pull a hand mirror and smack the kid in the face, making him pass out_

“There we go” Kenny said “Let’s go” He said and walk away

_I was still stunned, trying to understand what just happened_

“Are you ok Douchebag? Did you get charmed by the fairest maiden of them all?” Butters said giggling

“What just happen?” I asked

“That’s one of Kenny’s abilities, he is a princess after all” Butter said

“But he is a guy, and the hall monitor was a guy too” I said

“And is that wrong?” He said

“What? No, of course no” I panic

“Ha-ha, I’m just joking” He said letting me calm down “Well, look it like this, the first time you met Kenny, did you think he was a guy?”

“A…” I stop to think “… Ok…”

“Your face is priceless” Butters laughed

“Hey, are you guys coming or not?” Kenny called us

“We are coming” Butters yelled “Let’s go”

_Sure… whatever…_

_We entered the teacher’s lounge and it was full of ginger hall monitors. Again Butters and I went first, I slash every kid in front of me, while Butters knock them down with his hammer, if anyone got too close Kenny shoot them with his bow, it took a while but we managed to beat them all_

“Where is the key?” Kenny grab a monitor by the shirt

“You’ll never find it…” He said before putting him down

“Loot the bodies, we know the key is here” Kenny said

“There are too many of them, detention will end before we find it” Butters said

“We have no other choi…” Kenny tried to say, but I stop him

“Did you hear that?” I said in a low voice

_We stayed quiet and we series of small bumps_

“What’s that?” Butters said

“It’s coming from that cabinet” Kenny said

_We open the cabinet and find a non-ginger kid tied gagged up inside_

“Oh shit, are you ok?” Kenny said helping the kid

“Yeah, thanks to you” He said

“What were you doing in there?” Butters said

“I tried to free a friend from detention, but they got me, they were going to call my parents until something happened and most of them left, the rest tied me up and trapped me in there” He said

“That’s horrible” Butters said

“Are you here to free Mackey’s prisoners?” The kid said

“Yeah, we want to save one of our friends too” Butters said

“Then you are going to need this” He said and gave us the silver key

“The key to Mackey’s office” Butters said amazed

“Why did you have this?” Kenny asked

“They throw it in the cabinet I was trapped a few minutes ago” He said and stand “I leave them all to you, succeed where I fail, free Mackey’s prisoners” He said running away

Kenny took the key and rise it in the air “Yeah! We are one step closer!”

“Yes. Let’s go get the key to the tower and save Craig” Butters said full of determination

_I nod and raise my fist up_

_We run back to the counselor office_

“Be careful, now that we have the silver key the hall monitors will be desperate to stop us” Kenny said

“Right” Butters said

_We got on guard, but there was no one, not even the bodies of the kids we beat before, it was… eerie. We reach the office and got the golden key to the cafeteria with no problems_

“That was too easy” Kenny said while walking back

“Yeah… Where is everyone?” Butter said

“It doesn’t matter what they are planning, they won’t stop us” Kenny said reaching the cafeteria door

“Are you sure problem kids?” We heard a new voice from the opposite side

“Oh no!” Yelled Butters

_It was a new ginger hall monitor, but he was different, he was big and muscular. All the monitors we fought so far were around our age, but this one looked like he was a middle schooler_

“Give me that key or I’ll have to write you a referral” The hall monitor said

“Try to get it” Kenny said “Get ready” He told us

“Fine by me” The monitor said getting a mace made of a tetherball pole

_The giant monitor run at us hitting Butters with the tetherball sending him flying away. I tried to slash him with my sword, but he blocked it easily and knocked me back. Kenny fired multiples shots at him, but none of them where effective_

“Douche, let’s go” Butters said running back to us

_Butters and I jump to different directions to try to distract him, and Kenny jump back ready to shoot again. He was way stronger than us, but maybe we can use our numbers to beat him, sadly against an overwhelming force numbers can only do so much. As soon as we jump the monitor started spinning and hit us with his flail like tetherball, making us stumble against the school lockers, he even reached Kenny launching him backwards_

“This is the end” The monitor said walking to Kenny

“Darn it, we were so close” Kenny said

_We were defeated, he was on a completely different level, none of us has something to even scratch him… Wait… Maybe…_

“Butters…” I said standing up “Fire…”

“Fire… Oh, are you sure?” He said standing up too. I nod and he got his lighter out “Ready?” He said and I nod again “Kenny! Look out!” Butters yelled getting his attention and the monitor’s

_Both the monitor and Kenny looked at us. We didn’t have time to doubt, it was all or nothing. I got in position, Butters throw the ignited lighter towards the monitor and I shoot a devastating fart creating a huge explosion that blow away the giant monitor, Kenny barely avoided the blast by entering in an open locker._

“Did… did you do it?” Kenny said getting out of the locker

_The explosion created a huge smoke cloud, it took a few second to dissipate, but there he was, the final boss hall monitor unconscious on the floor_

“Yes! We did it” Butters yelled happily

“I though you didn’t like to do that” Kenny said walking to me

“I don’t, but I wanted to help…” I said red-faced

“You did enough, thanks” Kenny said smiling “Let’s free Mackey’s prisoners”

_We walk back to the cafeteria’s door, Kenny give me the key to do the honors and we finally open the door. As soon as we did it, everyone in the room look at us and a second later all the kids started running towards us yelling happily, and Mr. Mackey cursed Craig as all his prisoners escaped_

_We all run until we reached the neighborhood, where we were sure no one was following us_

“Took you long enough” Craig said to us

“Yeah, Mackey up his security since the last time” Kenny said

“So, what happen this time? You need a good damn reason to get me out of there” Craig said

“What? You don’t believe that we did it out the good of our hearts?” Kenny said sarcastically

“Not. Even. Close” Craig said flipping of Kenny

“You are so cold…” Kenny said trying to act hurt “But you are right, they took the stick”

“Guess that much, and who is this guy?” Craig said finally acknowledging me

“He is the new kid, he moved in today” Butters said

“Oh yeah, I think I heard about that” Craig said “I sorry you got involve in all of this. By ‘This’ I mean meeting Cartman”

_I get what he meant_

“So, what’s your name?” Craig asked me and as always, I didn’t answer

“We don’t know, he doesn’t speak much” Kenny said after a few moments

“But Eric told us to call him Douchebag” Butters said

“Of course he did” Craig said pinching his nose bridge

“But he likes it” Butters said

“What!?” Craig said and I nod to confirm “Whatever…”

“Well, now that we have you, we can finally go take back the Stick of Truth” Kenny said

“Oh joy…” Craig said sarcastically

“Let’s head back to Kupa Keep” Butters said and we start walking back

“Hey, Butters and new kid, thanks for saving me from Mackey, I really appreciate it” Craig said

“You are not going to thank me” Kenny said

“No” Craig said and flip of Kenny “Fuck you McCormick”

“You need to learn to let go of grudges dude” Kenny said and they both walked a head of us

“Well, that’s Craig” Butters said to me “What do you say?”

“Seems nice” I answered

“Yeah, he is a nice guy. I don’t know why he hates Kenny and Eric, he also doesn’t like Kyle and Stan and is not because they are elves” He said and I nod “We are finally going to take back the stick, are you excited?” He said and I nod again “Yeah, let’s do it”


	5. The Giggling Donkey

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_We returned to Kupa Keep, everyone seemed happy to see us. Craig quickly abandoned us to go with his friends, we approached to the Grand Wizard to report about our mission_

“Thank you, new kid for rescuing Felspar from the evil clutches of detention and now our entire army has assembled” Cartman said getting the attention of everyone around “Is finally time to take back what is rightfully ours, luckily a few moments ago a carrier raven arrived with news that the Stick of Truth has not been taken to the elven forest yet”

“Then where is it?” Butters asked

“The Stick is currently held in the inn of the Giggling Donkey, and is in the possession of… the bard” Cartman said after a dramatic pause

_Everyone gasped in horror leaving me more confused than ever_

“Not the bard…” Scott said

“The bard is a druid elf that use songs to enchant and destroy his enemies. His sing stops anyone who pose a threat and buff his allies. Physically he might not be that strong, but his magic is the deadliest in the elven kingdom” Butters explained

“Do not be afraid my warriors, the raven said that the bard is currently alone in the inn, he won’t be able to do anything against our whole army” Cartman said “We’ll take back the Stick of Truth without fail. Let us make haste to the Giggling Donkey” Cartman said and everyone yelled excited

“Wait!” Someone said interrupting the yelling

“What Craig?” Cartman asked angrily

“We can’t go yet” Craig said

“Why not?” Cartman said

“Not everyone is here, we are missing Clyde” Token said

“Yeah, where is he?” Tweek asked

_We all look away ashamed_

“Oh Clyde” Cartman said disinterested “I banish him from time and space”

“You what!?” Craig yelled

“What? Why?” Tweek yelled too

“He lost the failed to protect the Stick” Cartman said

“Is not like you never lost the stick too” Token said furiously

“I am the king, I make the rules here” Cartman said getting angry too

“Is that why you have that?” Craig said to me and took the helmet off my head “This isn’t yours”

_I hugged my head feeling empty all of the sudden_

“Craig wait” Butter said getting between me and Craig “It wasn’t Douche fault”

“It doesn’t matter” Craig said

“I’m sorry…” I said only strong enough for Butters and Craig’s group to hear “I want him back too…”

“I don’t car…” Craig tried to say

“Craig stop. Don’t vent yourself on the new kid” Token said calmer “He looks like a good guy, I believe he didn’t want this to happen”

“This is all Cartman’s fault” Tweek said

“Craig, Douche wants to return the helmet to Clyde” Butter said “He’ll come back, we will find a way”

Craig relaxed a little “Fine” He said and give me back the helmet “You can keep it until Clyde comes back, ok?” He said and I nod “Good”

“Did you bitches finally finished whining?” Cartman said “Then let’s go. Scott stay here and defend the base” He said and leave the keep

“Ok…” Scott said

“I hate him” Craig said

“We all hate him” Kenny said

* * *

_We exited the kingdom as a group, we walked a few minutes until we reach a house nearby, it was after a big road to town and a bus stop, we hide behind some bushes in front of the normal looking house. I tap Token’s shoulder to get his attention and point at the house_

“Yeah, this is the place” He said “The inn of the Giggling Donkey, this is also the bard’s house, his parents aren’t home and that’s why we can use it for our game”

_I nod to thank him for the info. I wonder what kind of kid he is, knowing all of these guys, he is probably not normal_

“Are you sure the Stick is here Butters?” Cartman asked

“That’s what Twitter said” Butter answered

Cartman sighed “Carrier raven, Butters”

“Oh yeah… Sorry” Butters said

_I giggle. So, the carrier raven is Twitter, that’s actually very funny_

“Ok guys this is the plan” Cartman said “Douche, Kenny, Butters and I will enter and kick the bard’s ass. Tweek, Token, Craig, you guys wait here in case the bard ask for reinforcements, keep them at bay while we take the Stick, got it?”

_We all accede to Cartman’s plan, the four of us enter the house, inside it was decorated as a tavern, they even have old style music playing in the background, there are some kids playing cards and drinking something that looks like beer, none of them look like elves thought. We got near the counter_

“A glass of meedlewine please” Cartman told the barman

“No meedlewine today, only fairy ale” He responded

“Then fairy ale it is” Cartman said

_The barman start preparing Cartman’s drink. I feel watched, all around us the other kids were taking quick peeks at us and looking away_

“I have a bad feeling” Kenny told me after he notice it too

“I want fairy ale too” Butters said completely unaware of the situation

“So… uuhh…. Has anyone seen the bard lately” Cartman said out of nowhere. The music suddenly stopped and everyone stare at us intensely “You can’t enjoy some fairy ale without the company of some bardic poems” Cartman tried to recover

“He is here alright” The barman said giving Cartman his drink “He has a room down in the cellar”

“Oh, then I shall pay handsomely for his services” Cartman said and gives some coins to the barman “Sir Douchebag” He says as he walks pass me

_We follow Cartman until we reach the door to the basement underneath the stairs, everyone are still looking at us_

“Ok, this is the plan, Douchebag, you and Butters go down an kick his ass, Kenny and I will wait here in case he wants to escape” Cartman said “Remember, the bard can use songs to enchant, Don’t let him get you”

_We nod and I open the door, the basement was pitch black, I tried to find a switch for the lights, but there was none, is the bard actually here? We start going down, being carefully to not trip with anything, there were a lot of things here_

“Mr. bard, are you here?” Butter said into the darkness “Come out, come out wherever you are” He sang

_It was useless, but cute. Some music strings broke the silence and the lights suddenly turn on_

“Oh, Jesus, is the bard!” Butters gasped in horror

“P-Prepare for b-battle, w-weaklings” The bard said, he was waiting in front of us

_I stare at the bard, he was nowhere near what I was expecting. Everyone was so afraid of him that I imagined him like big and buff, but no. He uses crutches, he is short and thin, too thin, specially his legs, his face has problems and he stutters as he talks… but… he didn’t look bad… there is something in him…_

“E-Elves, fall in!” The bard said taking back my attention

“Douchebag! Is a trap!” We heard Cartman agitated, before we were surrounded by elves

“Y-You sure are d-dumb, humans. Falling f-for such an o-obvious trap” The bard said “I a-am one of the strongest e-elves in the Kingdom, and w-with my lute, I shall p-power up my elven g-guards with magical s-songs of ench… with magical s-songs of… w-with magical songs of e-enchan…” The bard stuttered

“Mmm… this is going to take a while” The elf beside me said as the bard continued stuttering

_I looked at Butters confused, he sat on a box and signal me to sit too_

“Sometimes is like that” Butters said “Jimmy was born with disabilities, something about his brain and bones, I don’t know the specifics, but that’s why he stutters a lot, and sometimes it get as bad as this and we just wait for it to pass”

“I thought you were afraid of him” I said in a low voice

“Oh, that’s just in the game. Jimmy is very friendly and kind, but he can totally beat me up, he has a strong will” Butters said

“So, his name is Jimmy” I said

“Yep, Jimmy Valmer” Butters said

“Jimmy…” I said as Butters look at me curiously

“W-With magical songs of e-enchantment” Jimmy finished

“Ok he is done” Butter said standing up and us and the elves returned to our previous positions

“S-Sorry about that” Jimmy said

“Is ok Jimmy” Butters said

“Y-Yeah…” Jimmy said and cough to get back in to character “A-All right elves, destroy t-these humans”

“You’ll never take us alive” Butters yelled dramatically. This is fun

_The elves started attacking us, the bard stand back as three normal elves fight with us. Butters and I stand strong, we should be able to defeat them, but…_

“T-There once was a m-maiden from Stonebury H-Hollow. She didn’t t-talk much, but boy d-did she swallow” The bard sang in the background

_The bard song distracted me, and an elf took a good hit on me, they suddenly became stronger, they were giggling, and who can blame them? That song was funny. Is this the bard magic?_

“Are you ok Douche?” Butters asked me and I nod

“I h-have a nice lance t-that she sat upon. T-The maiden from Stonebury w-who is also y-your mom” The bard continued to sing

_I start to giggle too. I was a bout to be hit again, but Butters got me out of the way_

“Are you ok Douchebag? Don’t let the bard enchantments get you” Butters said

_I understood why Jimmy was so dangerous. The elves assault kept going, every time we wanted to counterattack the bard sang something new that made his allies stronger. One of the elves manages to corner me and throw me on to some trash_

“Douchebag!” Butters yelled

“Die human” The elf said

_A wooden baseball bat roll by me, with all the fighting the basement was starting to get messy. I took the bat and with it block the elf incoming attack and manage to push him away_

“Hey, that’s cheating” The elf said to Jimmy

“Mmm. I don’t think it is. I mean he is a warrior” Jimmy said

_With one swing I was able to knock the elf cold. This bat is a big upgrade over my crappy short wood sword. I join back with Butters, with this weapon I should be able to take care of this guys on my own, but if Jimmy keep enchanting them, this will get bad._

“Butters” I said in a low voice

“Yeah?” He said and I point at Jimmy “Oh, you want me to distract him” He said and I nod “Ok, leave it to me” He said and ran at Jimmy

“S-Shit” Jimmy said getting ready to battle

“On no, they are going for the bard” One of the elves said

“Watch out!” The other said

_But it was too late, again one hit was enough to beat him, and it was just a one versus one. I attack the elf continuously, the bat power was immense, but his speed and defense were lackluster, the last elf quickly adapted at my attack pattern. After a few seconds he felt confident enough to attack me, but that was a mistake, as soon as he let his guard down, I drop the bat and slash him with my own sword. It took a few more slashes to defeat him, but it was done. I look back at Butters to see how we was doing, only to find him laying on the floor with Jimmy poking him in the stomach with one of his crutches, I guess Butters wasn’t joking when he said that Jimmy could beat him up_


	6. The Warrior vs The Bard

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_I just finish defeating Jimmy’s elven guards and he finished beating Butters up. We stared at each other, not knowing what to do next. I looked directly at his eyes still determined to win, his eyes… his sky blue eyes… they look…_

“W-Well, what a but k-kicking, isn’t it?” Jimmy said

_Eh... What?_

“I s-still have the s-stick, so, see ya” Jimmy said and ran upstairs

_Yeah… I stood still there for some minutes not knowing what just happened_

* * *

“Douchebag, are you ok?” Butters shook me pulling me out of my thoughts

“Oh, yes… what just happen?” I asked

“I don’t know, when I woke up you were staring at the stairs. Did the bard enchanted you?” He said

“I-I think…?” I said

“Don’t worry, we’ll make him pay for messing with us” Butters said “We need to get back quickly, Eric and Kenny may be in danger”

_I nod. Why I didn’t stop Jimmy? It doesn’t matter, we need to finish our mission. We went up the stairs, but the door won’t open_

“Oh no, the bard trapped us here” Butters said “If we don’t beat him fast, he’ll probably ask for reinforcements, and we’ll be done for”

_We tried to force the door, but it didn’t work, he got us good, by ourselves we won’t be able to escape_

“What are we going to do?” Butters asked in panic

“Hey!” We heard a muffled yell

_We look around to see where it was coming, it was Craig, it he was behind a window that connected with the outside_

“What’s happening?” Craig said

“It’s Craig, because he is a thief, he would be able to lockpick the door” Butters said

_We grab a ladder that was close by and open the window to let him in the basement_

“So, what’s going on? You were taking very long and the front door is close” Craig asked

“It was a trap all along, the inn is full of elves, we are lock down here and we don’t know what happen to Eric and Kenny” Butters explained

“Serves them right” Craig said “Is anyone else in the house, like Stan or Kyle?” Craig asked

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t look like it” Butters said

“Ok, so is a race against time. I’ll get you out of here so we can rescue the fatass and McCormick, then we need to open the front door to let Tweek and Token in and finally take the Stick back” Craig said

“Right” Butters said and I nod

“Good, let’s go” Craig said

_With Craig in charge we were ready to strike back. It took a minute, but Craig actually managed to open the door, we took a peek at the living room, the bar had disappeared, and in his place, there were barricades and elven guards all around_

“Ouch, you son of…” We heard from the opposite direction

“Oh no, is Eric, they are torturing him” Butters said as Craig remained in silence “We need to help him”

Craig sigh “Alright…”

_We entered the kitchen, in there was Cartman lying on the floor as two elves hit him lightly with his wooden weapons, Cartman was yelling profanities as strong as he could, like this was the worse punishment in the world_

_The elves didn’t notice us, so we approached them silently and finish them without them even realize what happened, like assassins_

“What took you so long?” Cartman yell at us and Craig flip him off “Whatever” Cartman pull a pack of ketchup and then started acting like he was coughing blood “The bard, his powers were too strong, he is in one of the rooms. They took princess Kenny, they took her upstairs. I’m sure they are going to rape her, don’t let them rape princess Kenny” And Cartman fall back down

_WTF, where did that came from?_

“Oh no! Kenny! We need to save him-her quick” Butters yelled and I nod

_We leave the wizard behind, he wasn’t going to help us either way. We need to open the door to let our reinforcements in, the problem is how. There are about 5 normal guards and one with a different costume. I tap Craig’s shoulder_

“What?” He asked

_I point at him and the door and then at me and Butters and the guards_

“Mmm, you want to distract the elves while I open the door, is that right?” Craig said and I nod “Is going to be hard, you know that” I nod again “Alright. Don’t die”

_Craig hide in the shadows to wait for a chance to open the door_

“I’m ready when you are” Butters told me

_I took a deep breath, this might be the hardest battle so far. We climbed the barricade and jump at one of the elves taking him out_

“What?!” One of the elves said “How did they escape?”

“It doesn’t matter, capture them” Their leader said, he had a gas mask and that greatly deepen his voice

_Butters and I ran in different directions, each of us fighting two guards. The elves attacked me with their swords, they had a good coordinated combo, that keep me on the defensive, I had to back off. I corner myself against the barricade and force them to fight mt one on one, and luckily it worked. I easily disarmed one of the elves and slash him to finish him off and as the other panic, I hit him with the hilt of my sword knocking him down. I ran to Butters who was still fighting the other guards, but the masked elf blocked my way_

“This is as far as you go” The elf said

_He pulled his sword and with a lighter ignited it on fire. This was dangerous. He tried to slash me with his burning sword so I jump backwards, there is no way my small wooden sword could block that. I ran way as he chased me burning everything in his path. If this keep going, he is going to burn the entire house, I need to stop him now. I didn’t really think about it, more than wanting to get the stick or rescue Kenny, the most important thing to me was not letting his guy damage the house even further. He attacked me one last time, I jump away and in midair I farted right at his sword, making a small explosion and sending us fly away._

“Douchebag! Are you ok?” I heard Butters a few second later

_The recoil of the explosion had hit me too, but I was in way better shape than the elf. Butters help me stand up, as Craig and his friend finally entered the house_

“Wow, you guys managed to beat them all” Craig said surprised

“Craig told us everything, you guys rest here. I’ll go heal Cartman and Tweek and Craig will go save Kenny” Token told us

_I nod, I really need to take a breather_

“No!” Butters said “I’ll go save Kenny”

“You are in no shape to keep fighting” Token said, but Butters had already run towards the stairs

“What’s up with him?” Craig asked me, I shook my head and followed Butters

_At the top of the stairs Butters looking for the room Kenny was trap in_

“Douchebag? What are you doing here? You should rest” He told me when he saw me

“You too” I told him

“I just… need to save him” He said looking away

_He blushed a little as he said that, it looks like Kenny is very important to Butters._

“Let’s save him” I told him

“Yes” Butters said with a big smile

_At that moment we heard the sound of a bed moving and the continuous muffled screams of Kenny. Butters expression changed to horror_

“We need to go. Now!” He said

_We quickly ran towards the door the sounds were coming, we kicked the door open and inside we saw… Kenny tied and a kid jumping on the bed beside him… ok. Every time the kid landed on the bed, he sent Kenny flying and that make him scream of fear of falling off_

“Kenny!” Butters yelled

_The kid stopped jumping, but before he could react Butters threw his hammer at him making him fall off the bed unconscious. We quickly got Kenny off the bed and untie him_

“My hero” Kenny said and kiss Butters on the cheek

“O-of course princess” Butters blushed furiously “I’ll always protect you”

_Kenny hug Butters and he hug him back, I could only smile at how cute they look. Butters and I took a minute to rest, this wasn’t over yet. We got out of the room and our entire team was already here, they were trying to open the room next door_

“Princess Kenny, you are alright” Cartman said faking concern “How badly did they rape you?”

“Fuck you, asshole” Kenny reply

“Why are you guys here? Where is the bard?” Butters asked

“He is in his room” Craig said “But I can’t open the door, it must be enchanted with some kind of magic”

_Cartman walked to the door and started hitting it with his staff_

“You can’t hold the doorknob bard, is against the rules” Cartman yelled

“Y-Yes I can, I h-have the Stick of T-Truth, so I control the u-universe, and I say h-holding the d-doorknob is ok” Jimmy said

“Can he do that?” Cartman asked

“He has the Stick, so I guess” Craig said

“Dammit” Cartman yelled “There has to be another way into this room. Douchebag, start looking”

_What? Why me?_

“Alright… Let’s go” Butter said and I sigh

“Hey, look up there” Token said pointing to the stairs to the attic

_We heard a yelp at the same time Token speak, there was an elf up there, he was looking at us, looks like he escaped the moment his friends were defeated_

“Perfect” Cartman said “Maybe there is a way to enter from there”

“How are we supposed to get up there?” Butters said

“Leave it to me” Kenny said

_Kenny started to walk seductively towards the elf_

“Hey, elven warrior” Kenny said

“W-What…?” The elf said

_When Kenny got his attention, he gently pulled down his hoody to show his ‘breast’, making me uncomfortable and everyone else laugh in the background. The elf got down the attic with the intention to touch Kenny, but Kenny swiftly knocked his light out with his trustworthy mirror. He turned back at us with what it looks like a satisficed grin_

“Nice work as always, princess” Cartman said “Is good to see that your charm is as good as ever”

“Well, shall we?” Kenny told me and Butters

“Oh, yes. Let’s go Douche” Butters said, and I nod

_We got up the ladder to the attic, I don’t know what we are looking for up here. It was dark, even if is still day outside, Kenny and Butters keep walking easily through the darkness_

“It looks like there is nothing here” Kenny said

“What do we do now?” Butters asked

_Suddenly we heard a noise, something moved right next to us, we all got ready to fight. The noise stop, but we got the feeling of being watch, something was coming, something… small?_

“Waaaaa!!!” We heard Butters yell

_We turn quickly and saw Butters running all around the attic being chase by an enormous rat_

“Heeelp!”

“Butters!” Kenny yell “We are coming!”

_Kenny and I run to try to catch the rat, as we did, all three of us crash with all kind of stuff while trying to solve the problem. After a good five minutes Kenny finally manage to catch the rat with his hands_

“Gotcha” Kenny said victoriously

“Thank you… Ken” Butters said finally calming down “You too Douche”

“Is ok” I said and look at Ken with the rat still in his hands “What are you going to do with it?”

“Probably free it outside, maybe keep it as a pet” Kenny said petting the rat

“It seems to like you” Butters said

_After all that madness we were ready to go back down, however a sudden loud noise made us all jump back scared, a big metal box fell from a desk, the box was so heavy that the floor beneath it started to crumble. We tried to run away, but it was too late, the three of us and the box fell to the room below. The hit was painful and I felt dizzy, but I don’t think I took any serious damage, I sit down and look at my friends, they also appear to be ok, Kenny’s rat also is fine. We were in a bedroom_

“A-Are you guys ok?” Someone said to us

_Jimmy came to us with a worried look on his face_

“W-What happened?” He said helping us get back up

“Your parents need to be careful with what they store in the attic” Kenny said pointing to the metal box

_We were in Jimmy’s bedroom, somehow we managed to get here as Cartman wanted… Wait…_

“Are you hurt?!” I said to Jimmy in an uncharacteristic loud voice

“M-Me?” He said

“Oh right, did the debris hit you?” Kenny said

“N-No, I’m fine. It didn’t land near me” Jimmy said

“Thank god” Kenny said, and I sighed relieved

“Hey, what’s going on in there?” We heard Token outside

“Oh, the door is open now” Craig said, and everyone came in

“Aaahh! What happen?! What’s this?!” Tweek panicked

_Everyone took a moment to understand the situation, Craig, Token and Tweek went to check if Jimmy was ok, looks like they are good friends. Cartman walked to us with a smug face_

“Looks like you manage to infiltrate here, good job Douchebag” He told me

“Did you do this on purpose?” Craig yelled at me angry

“No, it was an accident” Kenny said

“Why should I believe you McCormick?” Craig said

“W-Wait Craig” Jimmy said “I b-believe them. It was o-only a matter of time u-until that happen. M-My parents need to b-be more careful”

“Ok” Craig said calming down

_That was a big accident, we should go home for the day, and resume the game another day. That’s what I thought, but…_

“Alright Douchebag, is time to take the Stick back” Cartman said getting everyone attention

“W-Who is Douchebag?” Jimmy asked

“He is the New Kid, he moved in today” Butters answered pointing to me

“O-Oh yeah. Nice to m-meet you” He told me and run towards the opposite side of the room “I w-won’t let you get the S-Stick humans”

“Kick his ass Douchebag” Cartman ordered me

_I’m tired, I want to go home and rest, I think this will be the last battle for today. I step up to fight, it looks like it will only be the two of us, I pull of my sword as he got a makeshift crossbow. I stare deeply at him, he was wearing a green cape and a hat made of newspaper, that was his entire costume. There was great tension between us, I look into his eyes for an opening, his eyes… his sky blue eyes… they look…_

“Douchebag! Watch out!” Butters yelled

_Something hit me on the face, I step back in pain, what just happen? I didn’t have time to react as more small stones hit me_

“What are you doing Douchebag?! Stop losing. Get your head out of the clouds” Cartman yelled at me

_I jump to the side and hide behind a drawer, I was still very confused about what happen, I took a deep breath and calm down. Ok, I need to beat Jimmy. He was still shooting me from afar, that tell me that he is not good at close combat, I’m going to have to tank a few hits_

_I jump back at the action and run directly at him, Jimmy noticing that I didn’t care about getting hit, walked backwards as he shot me, but it didn’t work. I got close to him and tried to slash him, but he moved away, I follow him until he suddenly dropped his weapon and draw a flute from his cape. What was a flute going to do?_

“Cover your ears!” I heard Kenny yell in panic

_I did what he told me not understanding what happen. Jimmy blow through the flute and played a single note, I could barely hear it, I look back at my group to see them covering their ears too, all with worried faces. Could it be that Jimmy had an actual sound base attack?_

_I look back at Jimmy to see that he wasn’t playing the flute anymore, he was coming at me at an incredible speed, he rammed at me making me drop my sword. He was strong, that was one hell of a tackle, but this just mark his end. I keep myself up, grab him by his shoulder and throw him into the floor. He doesn’t have his crossbow anymore, his sound attack didn’t work, this should had been his last option, we are done… or that was I thought. Jimmy got back up still determined to win. I was tired, I’m proud of my physical strength and endurance, but this day had taken his toll on me. We were both gasping for air, this became a battle of wills, to see who gives up first_

_Jimmy run at me again like a mad bull and I took him again by his shoulders to throw him to the floor, and once again he stood up. We repeat this several times, we were both smiling, having fun. Until the last attack, Jimmy tried to get back up, but he couldn’t, I sit on the floor and rise my hands in victory. I was tired, I was hurt, but the thing that pain me the most was seeing this kid, I barely knew, unconscious on the floor and I didn’t know why_

“Yeah! Douchebag won” Butters yelled, and everyone cheered

“Good job Douchebag” Cartman said as he walked to me “You have recovered the Stick of Truth, you should be proud” He said, but I knew they were empty words “And for you” Cartman said looking as Jimmy

_Cartman rise his staff above the unconscious boy. What the heck? I move faster that I knew I could and push Cartman away from Jimmy. What’s wrong with him? Did he actually tried to hit him in that state?_

“Hey! What are you doing?” Cartman yelled at me “He is the enemy”

_I stand between them, I was mad. I was about to jump at Cartman, but Craig beat me to it_

“What the fuck asshole?!” Craig yelled “What did you think you are doing?”

“Don’t forget that even if we are enemies, Jimmy is still our friend” Token said

“Don’t try to pull a stun like that again or you’ll regret it” Tweek said

“Why are you so pissy about it?” Cartman said and stand up “Forget it. Kenny, Butters, let’s go”

“Why are we still friend with him?” Kenny said

“I don’t know” Butter said

“Douchebag, don’t forget to take the Stick” Cartman said

“We’ll see you back at the kingdom” Kenny said and the three of them left

_I took the Stick from Jimmy and sigh, finally it was over. Craig pat me in the back_

“Hey, good job there, and thanks for defending Jimmy” Craig said

“Are you guys friends?” I asked

“Yeah, he is one of our best friends” Token said

“Along with Clyde, our group is the five of us” Tweek said

“Oh, and should we help clean?” I said looking around, the house was a disaster because of us

“Usually the losing team cleans after everything is over” Token said “Kyle and Stan should be coming shortly”

“Yes, but we should at least put Jimmy on his bed” Craig said and him and Tweek carry Jimmy to his bed and took his costume off so he could rest

“Who are Kyle and Stan?” I asked

“Kyle is the king of the elves and Stan is his right-hand man” Token said “They are friends with Cartman, Kenny and Butters”

“I hate all of them” Craig said

“Don’t be like that, Kenny and Butters are chill, Stan is ok” Token said

“I don’t like Stan, too unpredictable” Tweek said

“His moral compass is a mess” Craig said

“We should leave before they get here” Token said and we all left the house

_We walk back to the KKK, all we have to do is give the Stick to Cartman and everything will be over_

“It was a good battle the one between you and Jimmy, you didn’t hold back. Thanks” Craig said

“Why are you thanking me?” I said

“For not holding back” Craig said

“What?” I was confused

“I’ll explain” Token said “Mmm… what did you think the first time you saw Jimmy?”

“He looked frail and weak” I said

“That’s understandable” Tweek said

“But his eyes had a look that could beat anyone” I said

“Correct” Token said “Jimmy’s body may be frail, but he is definitely not weak. That kid could eat you alive and spit you back out. He has the strongest spirit I ever meet”

“But he is not invincible” Craig said “He doesn’t like when people treat him differently because of his disabilities, that’s why I thank you for not holding back, for treating him like anyone else”

“I see” I said “You think we could be friends?”

_Everyone looked at me and laughed_

“Of course, dude, he is very friendly too” Token said “We’ll introduce you to him”

“I like you Douche” Craig said “Could we be friends?”

“Yeah” I said “I like you guys too”

_We reach the kingdom and gave the Stick to Cartman. He then gave us a speech about how great he was in the mission and how horrible and weak the elves were, I didn’t care, I just ignore it. It was starting to get late, so we all leave to our houses, I said my goodbyes to everyone and finally got some peace_

“Hey sweetheart, what’s that costume you have on?” My mother asked me after entering home

“We don’t care if you don’t care” My father said after I didn’t answer

“Don’t start Chris” Mom nagged dad “Well sweetheart, we are going to bed already, dinner is in the kitchen. Have a good night”

_Mom went up stairs and dad follow her, is too early to go to bed, I know what they are going to do… It doesn’t matter. I went to my room and took off my warrior costume, I look at my almost naked body and saw a lot of hits and bruises that weren’t going to disappear overnight, and let a big sigh_

_This is the most tired I have ever been in my life, but is also the most fun I ever had. I close my eyes and remember all the new friends I made today, Butters, Kenny, Craig, Tweek and Token, I hope I can become friends with Clyde and Jimmy and I need to spend more time with Scott. Today has a good day, but… something seems off…_

_Thinking back to Jimmy’s house, it took us a lot of time since we escape from the basement until we beat Jimmy, if Butters was right and Jimmy called for reinforcements, where were they? If those guys Stan and Kyle helped him, we would had lost. Mmm… I put my normal clothes and went outside, it was chilly, I’m still not used to the cold. I walked to Jimmy’s house, until I heard the sound of a hammer from afar…_


	7. The Lonely Bard

**Jimmy P.O.V**

_There was commotion in the Elven Forest, apparently the latest group that was send into Kupa Keep, the human kingdom, was able to steal the Stick of Truth, this were great news, a few more days without the Stick and we would have been force to raise the white flags in order to survive. I was our turn to be in control_

“Jimmy! My loyal bard, come here!” I heard the elven king call me in a kingly tone

“H-How can I serve y-you my lord?” I said walking to him

_The elven king Kyle was sitting on his throne with Stan the ranger to his side_

“My bard, I’m here to give you an important mission” Kyle said

“A-Anything my lord” I said back

“But first, your parents are not home, right?” Kyle said breaking character

“N-No, they went to S-Seattle for a conference, t-they’ll be back in a-a few days” I said casually “W-Why?”

“I see” Kyle cough to return to his royal like speech “I want you to have this” Kyle said and handed me… wait…

“T-The Stick of T-Truth” I said and everyone in the kingdom gasped

“I want you to use it as bait in order to get rid of the humans once and for all” Kyle said

“W-What?! How?” I said confused

“Don’t worry, we have been prepping for days” Kyle said “We are going to use your house as a trap to lure the humans in and defeat them” Kyle said

“M-My house?” I said “But I’m n-not allow to invite people o-over”

“Don’t worry Jimmy, they’ll never know” Kyle said “As long as you win”

“W-What do you mean?” I said

“There is no chance for you to lose, we have prepared for anything the humans could do” Kyle said

“Besides, I think Craig had detention today” Stan said

“See, this would be a walk in the park” Kyle said “The team is ready to go at any time”

“I d-don’t understand. Why didn’t y-you tell me sooner?” I said

“We didn’t want you to say no” Stan said

“Y-Yeah, I would have said that. A-And why do you t-think they are going t-to fall for it?” I said

“Because you have the best bait” Kyle said pointing at the Stick “Cartman wouldn’t miss a chance to get the Stick back”

_I don’t know it seems I end up losing in all departments_

“D-Don’t you think is a little r-risky?” I said

“That’s why I’m sending you, you are the strongest elf, beside me and Stan” Kyle said “I know you can do it”

_This is ridiculous. Is Kyle out of his mind, we don’t have the resources to do something this big, we just got the Stick after such a long time, we should focus on rebuild the kingdom first_

“Mmm… C-Can I refuse?” I said not expecting much

“Is that insubordination I hear?” Kyle said

“D-Don’t you think you are a-acting just a little bit t-tyrannical, just like…” I said but stop myself

“Just like what?” Kyle said in an ominous tone

“J-Just like… Cartman” I said

“Jimmy…!” Kyle growled at me

“F-Fine, fine… I’ll do it” I said

_I said and start walking away. Sometimes I don’t even know why I try…_

“And remember” Kyle said in a menacing voice “Do not fail me!”

_Is not fair comparing Kyle to Cartman, Kyle is usually a great guy, except when Cartman is in the picture, then Kyle whole purpose in life is to beat him. I sigh and walk towards the armory, Chris Donnely greeted me and pointed to my group, there were 9 normal elves and a captain with a gas mask. Damn it, the guy with the mask is going to be a problem, he uses a fire sword, that means if he ends up fighting, my house is probably going to take damage, I talk to them and they explained Kyle’s plan_

_We are going to separate the human group in two, then take one group into the basement were me and another 3 elves will defeat them, and the rest of our forces will sneak attack the other group. Is simple, but it might work, if is true that Craig is not with them, we should be able to separate them efficiently. We took a bunch of props and depart towards my house_

_It took a few minutes, but we manage to transform my living room into a bar called the Giggling Donkey. The elves disguise as normal costumers and me and my team walked down to the basement, we tuned off the lights and we wait_

_If everything goes well, my house won’t suffer much damage, I should be able to clean it before my parents came back, I looked at the other elves and they were talking friendly, I started playing an old flute I had with me, I don’t know most of the guys in the kingdom, all of my friends went to the human team when we started the game, the only people I know are Kyle, Stan, Dogpoo, Jason and Bradley and I don’t spend a lot of time with them either, I became an elf just to bonk heads with my friends a little, but not having anyone to talk to has become tiresome_

_We heard some rhythmic knocks on the door to signal us that the humans had arrive, we got into position, if I had to guess, I say Butters, Kenny and Clyde will come down here, leaving Token, Tweek and Cartman above, we should be able to do it, we heard someone coming down the stairs_

“Mr. Bard, where are you?” That was Butters

_He kept calling at me, but there was no response, not even from his companions, was he alone? We turned on the lights and decide to show ourselves, along Butters was a kid that I don’t remember seeing, who was he?_

“P-Prepare for b-battle, w-weaklings” I said and the elves surround them

_It doesn’t matter who he is, I just need to beat them. The door of the basement close with a yelling Cartman in the background, everything was going as plan, and after a stutter attack, we started fighting, Butters fought me as the other kid battle the elves, there is no way we are losing this_

_Butters’ hammer attacks were easy to read and defend thanks to my crutches. I stepped on his foot with one of my crutches and a headbutt was everything I needed to knock him down. I look to see how my elves were doing only to find them all of them on the ground. What? How strong is this kid?_

_We stared at each other eyes, he looked strong, I can’t afford to lose the Stick, the other elves should be able to take him out, I just need to find a way to escape. He kept the staring contest until he looked like his downed his guard_

“W-Well, what a but k-kicking, isn’t it?” I said, but he didn’t move “I s-still have the s-stick, so, see ya”

_I ran upstairs and locked the door, that should keep him busy for a while_

“Jimmy, sir” The elf captain called me

“Y-Yes, how is the s-situation up here?” I said

“We capture the grand wizard and the princess” He said “The wizard is been tortured in the kitchen and we took the princes to the upper floor”

“T-That’s great, what a-about the rest?”

“The barbarian and the white mage are locked outside, the thief was there too, but we lost him a minute ago”

“C-Craig is here?!”

_Crap, not knowing were Craig is, is very dangerous, with his stealth and lockpicking skills, he can turn around the situation in an instant, and with that kid on his side… this could get very bad. Looks like Clyde and Scott stayed on their base, even though, this situation could get out of hand_

“O-Ok, this are my o-orders. I want you g-guys to stop anyone who t-tries to reach the s-second floor, I’m g-going to get us s-some reinforcements”

“Reinforcements? But everything is going as planed? The ones outside are not dangerous”

“Y-You don’t know how s-scary Craig is. Besides, we d-didn’t manage to eliminate a-all the humans in t-the basement”

“Oh yeah, where is everyone else?”

“T-They has been defeated, t-the three of them b-by a single kid”

“What?! All of them, by that warrior?!”

“Y-Yes, so please, d-do as I told y-you”

“Yes sir” He saluted me, and I start going upstairs “I hope you get them…” He said

_What does he mean? Kyle will surely send help is we need them… right? I reach my room and close the door. I hope I’m not right, but if I am, I don’t know how much time we have. I grab my phone and call Kyle, after a few rings he answer_

“Hey Jimmy, how is everything going?” He asked

“Mmm… w-well, the plan is k-kind of working”

“Kind of? Why is that?”

“W-We capture Cartman and K-Kenny, Tweek and Token a-are lock outside and B-Butters is trap in the b-basement”

“Cool, that’s good news”

“Y-Yeah, but we got some p-problems we didn’t e-expect”

“Like what?”

“F-First of all, C-Craig is here”

“Is he? I thought he flipped of Mr. Mackey” Stan said

“That doesn’t seem that much of a problem” Kyle said

“T-They also have a n-new warrior, and h-he is insane” I said

“A new warrior?” Kyle said

“Y-Yeah, the plan m-might crumble away, w-we need reinforcements”

“Reinforcements, huh?” Kyle paused for a moment “Jimmy, do you know why I gave you this mission?”

“W-What?”

“To test your loyalty”

“W-What?! My loyalty? W-What are you talking a-about?”

“We haven’t won a battle in a long time, Cartman is always one step ahead of us, that’s why we think someone is giving information to the enemy”

“A-And you think t-that is m-me?!”

“Don’t think we haven’t see you chatting with your human friends all the time!”

“B-But I’m not g-giving them anything, it’s b-because I don’t k-know anyone in o-our team…”

“Then why did you join us? If your friends are on the other side”

“T-That’s because… I t-though it might b-be fun… and…”

“Lies, they made you join to leak information”

“N-No…”

“Then why?!”

“B-Because I f-felt sorry for y-you!”

“What?!”

“A-All our friends, all of them, t-they join the h-humans, only S-Stan stayed w-with you, t-that’s why I joined y-you!”

_I shouldn’t have said that, even if it’s the truth. I want to go to the other team were the guys are, but I made my decision and I’m going to stick to it. There was an eerie silence at Kyle’s side of the line_

“Jimmy” Kyle said “If you don’t bring me Cartman’s head, don’t even try to come back here”

“W-What?” I said

“Kyle, don’t you think that’s too har…?” Stan tried to say, but Kyle hanged up the phone

_I can’t believe it, is he for real? I sit on the floor and hug my legs, what am I going to do now?_

_I hear voices coming from outside the room, they are my friends, Cartman, Kenny and Butters, and I’m going to guess that kid is there too, is a complete defeat, should I even resist?_

_All the guys outside are here for fun, so I should have fun too one last time. I heard someone trying to open the door and I hold the doorknob to stop it, a moment later someone hit my door_

“You can’t hold the doorknob bard, is against the rules” Cartman yelled

“Y-Yes I can, I h-have the Stick of T-Truth, so I control the u-universe, and I say h-holding the d-doorknob is ok” I said maliciously, breaking the rules is always fun

_They started talking, I couldn’t hear what about, the only other way to enter to this room is through the window, the only one who should be able to climb a window on the second floor is Kenny and he is wearing a dress, so I should be safe here_

_I heard noises coming from above, are they in the attic? What for? Suddenly the ceiling started to crack, what the hell? The ceiling break and Kenny, Butters and that kid fall along with some trash from the attic_

“A-Are you guys o-ok?” I ran to them “What h-happened?”

“Your parents need to be careful with what they store in the attic” Kenny said pointing a metal box

_I know that box, it contains a bunch of heavy tools and equipment, I knew it was unwise to store it in the attic, but my parents won’t listen_

“Are you hurt?!” The kid yelled loudly

“M-Me?” I said

“Oh right, did the debris hit you?” Kenny said

“N-No, I’m fine. It didn’t land n-near me” I said

“Thank god” Kenny said, and the kid sighed relieved,

_Why is he so worried about me?_

“Hey, what’s going on in there?” We heard Token outside

“Oh, the door is open now” Craig said, and everyone came in

“Aaahh! What happen?! What’s this?!” Tweek panicked

_Craig, Tweek and Token came to me to see if I was ok, I was more worried about the others, but they look fine. Then Craig got angry believing that they guys had cause this on purpose and I stop him, Kenny and Butters aren’t like that, and that kid looks like a nice guy too_

“Alright Douchebag, is time to take the Stick back” Cartman said getting everyone attention

“W-Who is Douchebag?” I asked

“He is the New Kid, he moved in today” Butters answered pointing him

“O-Oh yeah. Nice to m-meet you” I said

_That nickname should be Cartman doing, I’m not even going to ask, ok, is time for my last battle_

“I w-won’t let you get the S-Stick humans” I said running to the opposite side of the room

“Kick his ass Douchebag” Cartman him

_Everyone stepped back to let us fight, I grateful for the one on one, I wouldn’t be able to beat all of them on my own. I got my crossbow ready and we stared into each other eyes. I hate when new people stare at me, they always look at me with the same eyes of disgust or weirdness… Mmm? But he… he isn’t looking me like that, he looks fierce and decided, is the first time I meet someone like him… What? His eyes changed, he looks distracted, but he is still looking at me, and, is he blushing? Ok, this is definitely the first time something like this happen_

_Well, with him like that, I don’t think he is going to mind a rock from my crossbow right in his face. I shot at him and just as predicted it hit right in the between his eyes, bullseye, yeah. He looks like a deer in headlights, completely lost, not knowing what happened, I kept shooting, but he managed to hide behind a drawer, I kept shooting to limit his movements, but then he jump from behind cover and ran straight at me, don’t caring of getting shot. My shoots keep hitting him, but he didn’t flinch, he tried to slash me with his sword, but I evade at the last moment_

_My crossbow is not going to be useful in close combat, is time to use my trump card, I throw my weapon away and pull out my old flute, this should take him out in one hit. Kenny acknowledging the danger tell the new kid to cover his ears, damn you Kenny, I blow into my instrument and play a single note, the brown note, my most powerful technique, but thanks to Kenny’s advice he managed to block it, but I refuse to give up yet_

_The new kid was still confused of what was happening, I throw my flute away and ram at him with all my strength, this is the only thing I can do. I felt him losing balance, but he didn’t fall down, now I was in disadvantage, he grabs me by my shoulders and throw me fiercely to the floor. I look at him, he was breathing heavily, just as me, damn my stamina. I don’t want to lose. I stand up and try again, and again he took the hit and throw me to the floor. I want to win, not for Kyle or the elves, but for me. We repeat this several times, we where both sweating heavily, gasping for air, we were both smiling. This kid… he is funny guy. He throwed me to the floor one last time and I couldn’t get back up. I lost, but I enjoyed my last battle_

* * *

_I woke up alone in my room, I was on my bed and I was on my normal clothing, I bet my friends did it. I look around and everything was still a mess, the losing team is supposed clean the aftermath of the fights, but I guess Kyle is not going to help someone who isn’t in the team anymore. I went down stairs, the living room is a mess, there were a lot of burn marks everywhere, the elf captain really put a spectacle here, some chairs and the dinning room table were broken, damn it, upon closer inspection, I should be able to repair them, but I won’t be able to fix everything by the time my parents come back. Fuck, I’m in deep shit… I wanted to cry, but that isn’t going to solve anything, I went back to my room and grab some of the tools from the box that went through the ceiling, another problem I need to fix, but maybe I can blame dad for that_

_I started working on the chairs, they look bad, but maybe I can repair them with some nails and duct tape… Mmm… no… is not working… fuck, what now? What do I do…? As my eyes began to tear up, I heard a knock at the door. Who could it be?_

“Jimmy, are you there?”

“Hey! Please open the door”

“Maybe he is still sleeping”

“You think so?”

_I run at the door, I don’t know why they are here, but I need them, I need them more than ever_

“G-Guys…” I said opening the door

“Hi Jimmy” They all said

_Craig, Tweek, Token and Clyde were at the door, I jump at them and we share a big group hug_

“What the heck? It looks like something explode here” Clyde said “What happened?”

“Douchebag happened, the guy doesn’t know how to hold back” Craig said

“You are right” Tweek said

“I think is more important what’s not happening here” Token said “Where are all the elves? They should be helping you here, right?”

“W-Well, you see…” I said

_I told them everything that happened since this morning, we barely managed to stop Craig of storming Kyle’s house, but none of the guys were satisfied with that_

“That’s bullshit, who does Kyle think he is?!” Craig yelled

“Welcome to the club Jimmy” Clyde said

“W-What? They kicked y-you out of the g-game too?” I asked Clyde

“I was the guy who lost the Stick” Clyde said

“S-So you are partially r-responsible for g-getting me kicked out” I said jokingly

“What?! No! I didn’t mean it” Clyde said hugging me

“Is o-ok, Cartman and K-Kyle are assholes” I said

“You can say it twice” Craig said

“Hey, are you going to keep talking or are you going to help us to fix this shit?” Tweek said repairing the broken table

“We are going” Craig and Clyde said

“Jimmy, what are you going to do with your ceiling?” Token asked me

“I w-was going to b-blame my dad and g-guilt trip my p-parents” I said

“Mmm, ok, I think I can call someone to repair it” Token said

“O-Oh, is ok, I a-appreciate the g-gesture, but you guys a-are already doing m-more than e-enough” I said

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t mind” Token said

“Y-Yeah, thanks” I said, and we heard once again a knock on the door

_Who could it be? I open the door and two adults in overalls were outside_

“Good evening, is this the Valmer residence?” One of them asked

“Mmm, y-yes” I said confused

“We are from South Park Brothers Builders, and we were hired to fix a ceiling and a living room” He said

_I looked back at Token asking for some answers_

“It wasn’t me” Token said

“What’s happening?” Craig asked, followed by Tweek and Clyde

“Here is the contract” One of the adults said and give me a piece of paper

_I give it to Token, because he knows more about this kind of stuff_

“Everything seems alright” Token said “Is already paid too”

“What?” Craig said and took the contract

“Is ok if we start?” The adult said

“Oh, sure, we’ll wait outside” Token said, and we went out the house

_The builder took everything they needed from their truck and started working_

“Who is Miller?” Craig said

“Huh? W-What are you t-talking about?” I said

“Here says a ‘Mr. Miller’ was the one who called these guys” Craig said

“I d-don’t know any M-Miller. A-And you guys?” I asked, but no one knows

“Hey, isn’t that Douchebag?” Clyde asked

“What? Mr. Miller is Douchebag?” Craig asked

“No, I mean, he is over there, by the fence” Clyde said and pointed to the fence near the road to main street

_And sure he was, he was almost hidden behind the fence looking at us from afar, when we notice him he got startled and run behind the fence_

“W-What’s he doing t-there?” I asked

“Now that I think about it, why are you guys here?” Token asked

“Why? To help Jimmy” Tweek said

“I mean, how did you guy know Jimmy needed help?” Token asked

“I got a message in my phone saying that” Clyde said

“Me too” Tweek said

“Yeah, an anonymous message” Craig said

“Wait, you think Douchebag called all of us?” Clyde said

“I think he also called the building team” Token said

“W-Why?” I asked

“There is only one way to know” Craig said and walked behind the fence, a moment later he came back with Douchebag at his side, he waved at us

“Hi Douche” Tweek said

“What are you doing here?” Craig asked, but he didn’t answer “Well?”

“Oh yeah, I think Butters said he doesn’t like to talk a lot” Token said

“But he was talking normally with us a little ago” Craig said

“Maybe Jimmy intimidates him” Tweek said

“W-What? But I’m n-nice and cute” I said jokingly, no one laughed, but Douche blush… ok…

“Fine. Douche, were you the one who called us here?” Craig asked and Douche nod

“You also called the builders?” Token asked and Douche nod again

“I’ll f-find a way to p-pay it back t-to you” I said and Douche fiercely shook his head “B-But…”

“Is ok…” He said

“Y-You sure?” I asked and he nod

“He is the one to cause most of it” Craig said and Tweek hit him in the back “Hey!”

“Don’t start Craig” Tweek said

“So, your name is Miller” Token asked

_Douche looked uncomfortable, he didn’t like that question_

“Last name…” He said

“Alright, Douchebag Miller” Craig said

“Do you want to tell us your first name?” Token asked and he shook his head

“Sorry…” He said

“Is ok, if you really prefer us to call you Douchebag, we’ll do it” Token said and Douche relax a little

_Douche walked to Clyde who hasn’t said a word since Douche arrived_

“I’m sorry… I…” Douche said to Clyde

“No” Clyde said and Douche gasp “I’m the one who should be apologizing, I’m sorry for yelling at you, you didn’t deserve it, it was all Cartman’s fault”

_Douche nod and smile, it looked like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He is different from any other person I have met, he is sincere and pure, but he is not like Butters either, what could it be?_

_An hour later the builders let us in, the living and dining room looked like new, I was so happy. They also started with the ceiling, it was already late, so they’ll come back tomorrow_

“If you need anything else, just call us, ok?” Token said

“I will” I said

_Douche give me his phone number and everyone started walking to their houses. I went back inside happy and giggly, I can’t believe the day started so bad and ended like this, I have the best friends. I went back to my room and straight to bed, I was tired and ready to go to sleep, I close my eyes and drift into the sleep world_

* * *

_I was suddenly awoken, everything was shaking, I drop to the floor and went under my bed. An earthquake? Bright lights shine outside the window illuminating the entire room. Oh man, what now? After a few minutes everything stopped, no more shaking, no more lights. I stand up and went to the window to see what was going on outside, I look at the street and there were metallic pieces everywhere, did a plane crash and exploded? I look around the flaming debris near my house, when I suddenly gasped in horror falling back in shock, there is no way_

_I ran outside only to find a unconscious Douchebag on my front yard with some of his clothes still burning, I kneel near him and start throwing snow on top of him to put out the flames, what happened? How did he end like this? I couldn’t carry him, so I drag him inside and put him in the couch, I check him close and it looks like he isn’t badly injured, most of his clothes are in tatters, I want to lend him some of mine, but I’m various sizes smaller than him, I go back up and bring a blanket to cover him in the meantime. I don’t know what to do now, I hope he wakes up…_


	8. Day 2

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_I slowly open my eyes, all my body is in pain. I sit down and look at myself, I’m naked but in underwear and covered in bandages, so not really naked, I look like a mummy. I look around me, this place looks familiar, I was here yesterday, I’m in Jimmy’s house_

_What happened last night? After leaving Jimmy’s house, I was walking back and… a spotlight appeared over me… in the sky? Something took me and… aliens? Yeah, aliens. I was abducted by aliens. I fought them and the spaceship stared falling and… I woke up here. I was abducted… someone took me again… I hug myself trembling, someone almost took me again…_

“D-Douchebag?” I heard beside me

_I look beside me and there was Jimmy, he looked worried_

“A-Are you ok?” He asked and I nod “T-Thank god, I was a-afraid you w-wouldn’t wake up” He said and hugged me

_I would normally enjoy this, but his touch made every fiver of my body scream in pain. Realizing this he let me go_

“Oh, I’m s-sorry” He said stepping back “W-What happened, how d-did you end u-up like this?”

_I was hesitating to tell him, if I said the truth, he won’t believe me, is too crazy of a story, but I don’t want to lie to him. I told him hoping it was the best choice_

“Y-You got abducted b-by aliens? The ones t-that say moo-moo?” He asked

_If I remember correctly, they did speak like that. How did he know them?_

“Is cool t-that you managed t-to defeat t-them, they come e-every once in a w-while, they are pretty a-obnoxious” Jimmy said like it was nothing

_Is he joking? Why is he so calm?_

“Y-You look surprised, s-stuff like that happens a-all the time in S-South Park, our little m-mountain town is w-weird” Jimmy said and I still couldn’t believe it “H-Hey, you said t-the UFO crash, r-right? Maybe they’ll cover i-it in the news”

_Jimmy turn on the TV and put the local news, and he was right, they are talking about it, the reporter is a guy in a bikini and is showing the crash site… huh? Why are they talking about Taco Bell now? They are covering the accident and they are saying everything was because of the opening of a new Taco Bell. What?! The UFO is in plain sight, and the people are buying the story…_

“Y-Yeah, the adults here a-are very stupid t-too” Jimmy said, I was too bewildered to even response “I w-wouldn’t trust them w-with something like t-this, but is not like w-we could do a-anything about it”

_I close my eyes and took a moment to calm down, too much stupid information was just dumped on me. At least the aliens are gone. I look to the window and saw it was bright outside_

“What time is it?” I asked

“Emm… 5:48” Jimmy said

_Is already morning, I need to go back home before my parents wake up. I tried to get up, but Jimmy stopped me_

“W-What are you d-doing? You are too h-hurt to move” Jimmy said trying not to touch me

“I’m ok” I said and stand up this time, my body is still in pain and groggy, but I’ll manage “My clothes” I said and blush immediately, I was still almost naked

“Mmm, they are…” Jimmy said and pointed to the couch beside us

_I look at my clothes and they were near to unusable, I put them on just to feel a little better_

“I need to go” I said

“A-Are you sure? Y-You can rest here a-all you want” Jimmy said

“My parents will worry” I said

“I s-see” Jimmy said “At least let m-me walk you home. Y-You ended like this b-because you came t-to help me”

_I didn’t want him to take the trouble, but his face said he wasn’t going to take a no for an answer_

“Ok” I said

“Y-Yay. L-Let me change c-clothes, I’ll be b-back in a moment. D-Don’t leave without m-me” He said and run upstairs

_A minute later Jimmy came back wearing normal clothing, he wasn’t going to play today?_

“Your bard costume?” I asked

“Oh y-yeah, you weren’t a-around when I told e-everyone. I g-got kick off the g-game” He said scratching the back of his head

_WHAT? Why? Oh no… Was it because we won yesterday?_

“Jimmy, I…” I tried to say but he stopped me

“D-Don’t blame yourself, it w-was because our leaders a-are assholes and c-can’t take a loss” He said “A-Are you going to p-play again today?”

“I think so” I said

“Y-You should rest t-today”

“I’m stronger that I look” I said smiling

“Mmm… t-then let me h-help you, I have n-nothing better to d-do”

“Can you do that?”

“K-Kyle only told m-me not to c-come back, so I c-can do what e-ever I want”

“Ok, thanks” I said blushing and Jimmy smile

_Jimmy got his costume on and we walked towards home, on the way I saw the aftermath of the UFO crashing, there was flaming debris everywhere, but luckily nothing was on fire. We reach my house and told Jimmy to wait outside, if my parents realize I didn’t comeback yesterday, they’ll go insane. I enter and the house was silent, great, I quickly went to my room and change into my warrior costume, I tried to take off the bandages, but it was painful so I leave them on, also they look cool with the costume. I went to the bathroom and grabbed some painkillers from the first aid kit. I went to the kitchen and made some quick sandwiches for me and Jimmy to eat, I was going to grab some juice boxes when mom entre the kitchen_

“Hey sweetheart, good morning” She said “You waked up early, are you going to play with your friends today?” She said and I didn’t answer “Alright hon, have fun”

_I grabbed the sandwiches and the juices and walk away, luckily she thought he bandages were part of my costume, I went outside and Jimmy was sitting on the entry stairs_

“W-Welcome back” He said and I gave him his food “T-This is for me?”

“You haven’t had breakfast, right?” I said in a low voice

“T-Thanks” He said, and we started eating

_I made the sandwiches as fast as I could, I hope he likes it_

“A-Are you feeling b-better?” He said and I nod “G-Great” He smiled

_I feel great, I like Jimmy, he is a nice guy and he took care of me all night, I’m really happy right now, but as always, I can’t last forever_

“Douchebag, Douchebag!” I heard from afar

_God Dammit, Cartman was running toward us, he stopped in front of us to recover his breath_

“Oh my god, there was an earthquake and there was burning in my yard” Cartman said “You don’t understand, the elves… They took the Stick!”

_What?!_

“W-What?!” Jimmy said “N-No way”

“Yes way, the cheating elves took the Stick during the night, they knew is against the rules and they did it anyway” Cartman said and the look at Jimmy “And what are you doing here? Should you be with your cheating friends, Bard”

“W-What I’m doing here is n-none of your business, Cartman” Jimmy said “B-Besides, I’m no longer o-on the e-elves team”

“Huh, so you are joining the humans?” Cartman said

“N-No, I’m on Douchebag’s s-side, I’ll only s-serve him” Jimmy said

“So, you are basically on our side” Cartman said, I threw a snowball at him and then flipped him off “Hey!” He yelled angrily as Jimmy laugh

“Hey guys, what’s going on here?” Butters arrived

“Ugh, whatever” Cartman said “We are going to lay waste to the entire elven kingdom for cheating”

“I t-told you, they wouldn’t c-cheat like that” Jimmy said

“Shut up Bard!” Cartman yelled, I threw another snowball at him and he growl at me “I don’t care. Douchebag, I’m sending you on a mission”

“What kind of mission?” Butters asked

“Because of your incredible power to make friends…” Cartman said

_My power…_

“… I want you to recruit a whole new fraction to Kupa Keep” He said and gave me a letter “Find the goth kids and give them this letter, they will aid us to get back the Stick and destroy those assholes elves once and for all. Butter go with them”

“Yes sir” Butter said and Cartman left “Douchebag, are you ok?”

_I hate that fuck nugget, every time I talk to him he makes me feel awful_

“A-Are you still t-tired?” Jimmy asked me

_I look up to see my friends worried faces, at least I feel I can count on them_

“I’m fine, thanks” I said, smile and they look relieved

“By the way Jimmy, what are you doing here?” Butters asked

“D-Douche is my lord n-now” Jimmy said

“What? No” I said

“W-Why not?” Jimmy said

“Equal” I said

“Y-You want us t-to be equal? I don’t m-mind serving you” Jimmy said, and I shook my head “Hehe, a-alright”

“You too Butters” I said

“Me too, well of course, we are all friends, right?” Butter said and I nod

_Friends…_

“We need to get the goth kids, right?” Butter said

“Is e-early, but they s-should be at the s-school by now” Jimmy said

_At school? In the news they said they were going to cancel school for a few days because of the ‘new taco bell’, why would they be at school?_

“T-The goth kids like t-to loiter in the a-alley by school, they a-are always there” Jimmy said, and I nod

“Let’s go” Butter said, and we started walking

_We walked for a few minutes until we reached the school, I didn’t think about it yesterday, but after everything calm down, I’m going to be attending this school. Now that I think about it, how old is everyone? We all look to be around the same age, are we going to be in the same group? I hope so_

_Butters point to a wire fence by the school, and they there are, 3 boys and a girl, all dress in black and smoking, two of them look around our age, one looks older and the last one looks very young_

“They look more like emo” I said

“Don’t” Butters said quickly

“D-Don’t say that in f-front of them” Jimmy said terrified

_Ok… they do seem dangerous. We walk to them and Butters greet them_

“You are that kid the vampires converted” The girl said

“It’s a long story” Butter said

“And you are that cool stutter kid. Hello cool stutter kid” The older one said

“H-Hi…” Jimmy said

“Who is this conformist?” The one our age said looking at me

“Oh, I’ll present you” Butter said “Goth kids, this is Douchebag, he moved in yesterday”

“He is the new kid we heard about” The girl said

“And Douchebag, this are the goth kids, the tall one is called Michael, the one with red hair is Pete, the girl is Henrietta and the small one is Firkle” Butters said

“I can feel the despair in your soul” Firkle said slowly

_He is adorable_

“Now that we are done with that, go away, this is a nonconformist zone” Michael said

_What does he mean by conformist? I really don’t care. I gave him the letter_

“What’s this?” Michael said and start reading the letter “Join the kingdom of Kupa Keep to battle the wicked elves. All recruits welcome”

“Cartman…” Jimmy sigh

“Sorry Frodo, we don’t play Dungeon and Douchebags” Michael said throwing the letter away

“Yeah, beat it, New Kid” Pete said

_It doesn’t look like they are willing to help…_

“Aw come, let’s do it. We never do anything” Firkle said

_Huh. I didn’t expect someone actually wanted to play_

“We can’t do what this kid asked us to do, he is a conformist!” Michael said “Just look at his clothes and his hair”

_I have a helmet, you can’t see my hair…_

“Tell you what, new kid. Get the right clothes, some cigarettes and some coffee and then talk to us again” Pete said

“If you want to prove you aren’t a conformist then you need to look like we do. Then maybe we’ll consider hanging out with you” Michael said

_That was one of the most stupid things I ever heard… but ok, I’ll do it. We exit the alley_

“So, in order to recruit them, we need goth clothes, cigarettes and coffee” Butter said “Where are we going to get all that?”

“I k-know where to f-find clothes” Jimmy said “T-There is a guy w-who sells them near T-Tweek’s coffee”

“Nice and we can get coffee there too” Butter said

“NO!” I yelled panicking

“What? Why not?” Butters asked

“Aahh… I’m allergic to the secret ingredient” I lied

“Oh darn it, we’ll need to get it from somewhere else” Butter said

“H-Hey” Jimmy whispered to me “You k-know about the s-secret ingredient?” He said and I nod “Let’s t-talk later”

“Ok” I whispered back

“I k-know how to b-brew coffee, we can g-get it in my house” Jimmy said

“Great, that just leaves the cigarettes” Butters said

“T-That’s going to get c-complicated” Jimmy said

“Who do we know that smokes?” Butters asked

“A-And is willing to s-share his cigarettes?” Jimmy said

“Towelie!” Jimmy and Butter yelled together

_Who?_

“He is somewhat of a friend to us” Butter said

“A-And works at a s-summer camp I g-go to” Jimmy said

_Are these guys friends with druggie?_

“A-Alright, let’s go” Jimmy said

“Wait” Butter said “Isn’t brewing coffee going to take a while?”

“A f-few minutes, but not m-much” Jimmy said “W-Why?”

“I’ll go get the clothes and the cigarettes while you guys brew it” Butter said

“It isn’t g-going to take t-that long” Jimmy said

“Is ok, besides, I think Douche needs to rest, he looks tired” Butters said

_God damnit, I’m not tired, everyone should stop saying that. I only fought aliens all night and fell from a spaceship while on fire… I’m fine…_

“A-Alright, we’ll wait for y-you at my house” Jimmy said

“Ok, see ya” Butter said and ran away

“L-Let’s go then” Jimmy said and I nod

_Jimmy’s house was only a minute from school, so it didn’t take us long, we enter and I stop to appreciate how well it look without being destroyed_

“H-Hey, can you help me g-get some stuff” Jimmy asked and I nod

_We enter the kitchen and start with the coffee_

“S-So, how did y-you know about t-the Tweak’s secret ingredient?” Jimmy asked

“He asked us to get it yesterday” I said

“Y-You help him on h-his work, huh” Jimmy said

“I didn’t expect them to put in on the coffee” I said “I’m sorry…”

“Is f-fine, you d-didn’t know” Jimmy said “We have b-been trying to stop T-Tweek of drinking h-his parent’s coffee. That’s w-why everyone in our g-group knows how t-to brew coffee”

“Really?” I said

“Y-Yeah. We also want h-him to stop d-drinking coffee entirely, b-but we have to d-do it one step a-at a time”

“I see”

_Is cool to see how close Jimmy and his friends are, unlike Cartman and his friends, who apparently are at each other’s throats all the time. The coffee was ready, and Jimmy pour it on a thermo, now we have to wait for Butters to return_

“S-So, what do you w-want to do w-while we wait?” Jimmy asked

“Anything if fine”

_We walked back to the living room when we heard a knock on the door. It was too soon for Butter to comeback, who could it be? We opened the door and we were greeted by swords, lances and bows pointing directly at us, outside there was an army of elves waiting for us_

“The elven king want’s an audience with you new kid” A blond elf said, he looked stronger and had better armor than everyone else

“W-What’s the meaning o-of this?” Jimmy asked

“The banished bard” The elf said “This has nothing to do with you, stay out of this”

_I draw my sword and slash/poke the elf down the entry stairs and was caught by his army. I flipped him off and close the door_

“D-Don’t you want t-to hear them?” Jimmy said

“I don’t care, besides, they were mean to you” I said

“It’s f-fine, I’m over it, I like working w-with you” Jimmy said

“R-Really? Me too” I said overjoyed as Jimmy smiled

_We heard another knock on the door, we opened it and saw the same blond elf, but now he looked furious_

“The elven king sends us to get you, there is no way you can get awa…” He tried to say, but I close the door on his face

“Should we watch TV?” I said

“Hehe, s-sure” Jimmy said

_We heard the door again and I sighed, this guy is not giving up, looks like there is only one option_

“Should we beat them?” I asked

“D-Don’t you think y-you are too w-weak right n-now to beat this m-many?” Jimmy said “Also, w-we don’t know when B-Butters is coming back”

“True”

“W-We should go with t-them, what’s t-the worse that c-could happen?”

_Yeah, I think that’s the easiest option_

“Ok…” I said and open the door one more time

“W-We’ll go with you” Jimmy said

“We only want the new kid, you are not wel…” He tried to say, and I close the door again

“Hehe, m-maybe you are b-being a little b-bit rude” Jimmy said

“Not really” I said, the elf knocked again, and I open the door

“Ok, he can come” The elf said giving up and I smile victorious

_We walk towards the elven kingdom, I hope this goes quickly, we still need to reunite with Butters. The elven kingdom was in Kyle’s house, it was the last house before the train tracks and Kenny’s. We entered his house, I greeted Kyle’s brother who looks like a cool dude and we entered the elven kingdom. This place is better than Kupa Keep in every sense, it looks like an actual kingdom, with houses and life, unlike Cartman’s that’s only his castle_

_We walk towards the middle of the place, where a kid with a green hat and a crown made of twigs and another one with a cool blue hat, wait for us. These should be Kyle and Stan_

“Welcome to the elven kingdom, new kid” He said looking at me “And why are you here?” He said looking at Jimmy

_I move between the two of us, I wasn’t going to let him disrespect Jimmy_

“It’s o-ok Douche, thanks” Jimmy said

“So, you manage to befriend the new kid, Bard” Kyle said “Good for you”

“W-What do you want w-with him?” Jimmy said

“It’s not of your business” Kyle said “Guards kick him out”

_Elves started to surround Jimmy, I pulled my sword and slash the air preventively for them to stop, I could see the terror of some of the kids I beat yesterday. Jimmy pulled his crossbow and aim at Kyle_

“If y-you don’t have a-anything interesting to s-say, we are l-leaving” Jimmy said

_Kyle was irritated, but calmed down quickly_

“I see, then I’ll go straight to the point. Join us new kid” Kyle said “Cartman is only using you”

_Oh, I know he is, like he is also using everyone else. I don’t like Cartman, but I don’t like this guy either_

“H-Hey, Douchebag” Jimmy whisper to me “K-Kyle is usually a n-nice guy, he j-just gets too obsessed t-trying to beat Cartman”

_Mmm, I see, but still I don’t want to join him_

“What did Cartman told you? That we stole the Stick? Lies. He himself hide the Stick, which is against the rules, in order to get everyone on his side” Kyle said

“H-How did you k-know that?” Jimmy said

“We know were it is” Stan said for the first time “Is inside his desk at school”

“We also know he ask you to get the goth kids in order to invade us. Don’t do it, don’t help that cheater. Get the goths but bring them here and together we’ll destroy the humans” Kyle said

_I sigh, the audacity of this kid is tiresome. Yesterday he kicked out Jimmy because he though Jimmy betrayed him and now, he wants me to betray Butters and the rest_

“If you join us, we’ll let Jimmy return to the kingdom like a hero” Kyle said proudly

_Ok, that’s it. I’m done with this shit. I look at Jimmy and signal him we are leaving_

“O-Oh, ok” Jimmy said, and we started walking to the exit

“Think about it, new kid” Kyle said, but before leaving I look back at him and flipped him off, he yelled angrily, but we kept walking

_Kyle, Cartman, they are the same, no worth fighting for. I know what I want to do, but I don’t want to impose myself on Jimmy_

“Hey Jimmy” I said walking back to Jimmy’s house “What do you want to do?”

“M-Me? About what?” Jimmy said

“Do you want to return to Kyle?”

“N-Not really, what I w-want is to be with y-you, if you want to g-go with Kyle, I’ll follow y-you”

“I don’t want you to serve me, I…” I tried to say

“Y-You want us to b-be friends, right?” Jimmy said smiling “I a-also want to be together because w-we want. I got y-your back”

“Jimmy…” I said smiling

“W-What do you w-want to do?”

“Mmm… I’ll tell you but first I want to get Butters”


	9. Goth Work

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_We found Butters sitting on the stairs to Jimmy’s house, he had a plastic bag in his hands and looked kind of sad_

“Butters” I yelled

“Guys” He said and his face lit up “Where were you? I thought you left me behind”

“W-We are sorry. K-Kyle kidnapped us f-for a moment” Jimmy said

“Oh, I see” Butter said

“Did you get the stuff?” I asked

“T-That sound shady” Jimmy laughed

“Well, I have cigarettes in here, so it is shady” Butter said

_Butters showed us the contents of the bag, he had a full set of black clothes, a few cigarettes and a black wig. I guess if I want to look like a goth I need black hair. I go inside and swap my armor for the goth getup, they are a shirt and long pants. I don’t like them, I don’t like using long sleeves and pants, even if is freezing outside. I put the cigarettes in my pocket, hoping I don’t have to smoke them, and walk outside to my friends mocking faces_

“You look great Douchebag” Butters said barely containing his laughter

“Y-Yeah, it suits you, haha” Jimmy said not caring to contain his laughter

“Yeah… Let’s go” I said walking towards school

_We walk back to the school and to the goth kids alley_

“Oh joy, is Butthole the barbarian” Michael said

“You must admit, he looks better” Pete said

“He is almost a goth” Henrietta said

“Being a goth isn’t just how you dress, is a state of mind, time to show that you are a real goth” Michael said and turn on some heavy metal music “Show us you have real goth moves”

_What? Are they expecting me to dance? I look back at Jimmy and Butters and they have such a supportive look, is impossible to say no. I pull out the coffee thermo and start to do simple steps to the rhythm of this savage music. I drank the coffee while I dance, I thought I look stupid, but the goth kids started to be impressed. And finally, the song stopped_

“Those were some good moves” Pete said

“Yeah, he moved like a goth” Henrietta said

“I could feel his pain” Firkle said

“You really feel like a goth” Michael said “However that’s still not enough to prove you are a goth”

_What? Why not…?_

“To be a goth you need to go against society rules” Michael said and then he got a big cardboard sign that says ‘Fuck the conformist’ and gave to me “There is a big PTA meeting in the community center, go there and tape this sigh to their table”

“Yeah, that will prove your individuality” Pete said

_Sure, doing something I don’t want to do because someone told me will surely prove my individuality_

“If you do this new kid, we will do whatever you want” Michael said “Also, take a picture so we can be sure you did it. Now scram”

_After we leave the alley, I immediately sigh tiredly, Butter and Jimmy tap me in the back to congratulate me for my efforts_

“You were awesome” Butter said “And you don’t dance half bad”

“That was the first time I ever danced” I said

“R-Really, you looked n-natural” Jimmy said

“With that song, it doesn’t make me happy…” I said. I look at the sign “The people at the meeting will get mad at us is we do this”

“I don’t think they’ll care” Butters said

“N-Nothing will come o-out of the meeting e-either way” Jimmy said

“If you say so. Let’s go” I said “Where to?”

“Is the building we pass on the way here” Butter said

“T-The one between t-the neighborhood and s-school” Jimmy said

“Wow, is really close” I said

“T-This is a small t-town” Jimmy said and we started walking

_It only took us a minute to reach or destination, we enter the building and the adults were discussing about the new ‘Taco Bell’, do they really don’t see the UFO? The talk heat up between the adults, someone really wanting the Taco Bell and some others indagated that it was being build without consent, and just as Jimmy said the meeting ended without getting to a solution. The people started dispersing and we took this chance to tape the sign, but I was stopped by a rough looking adult_

“Hey kid, what are you doing?” He said and took the sign “Look kid, I know you are angry, but this isn’t the way to deal with it”

“We are sorry Mr. Marsh” Butter said

“H-He is Stan’s d-dad” Jimmy told me

“Hi kids, what bring you here?” He told Butters and Jimmy

“We are on a mission” Butter said

“On a mission, huh” Mr. Marsh said thoughtful “Sorry, but I can’t let you continue with this… unless you do a little mission for me”

_Oh boy, here we go again…_

“I have a feeling that this ‘Taco Bell’ thingy is not what it seems, but no one wants to listen to me” Mr. Marsh said

_Wow, can he notice it? Maybe this guy is smarter than all the other adults in town_

“If you go there and find me some evidence of what’s happening there, I’ll help you with this” He said showing us the sign

_We walked back to discuss what to do_

“What do you say?” Butters asked “I think is a good offer”

“Me too” I said

“I d-don’t know, Randy is t-the craziest person I k-know, I don’t think s-something good w-will come out o-of this” Jimmy said

“What other option we have?” Butter said “Eric will be mad if we come back with our hands empty”

“I r-really don’t care a-about Cartman” Jimmy said

“Me either, but we already come this far” I said

“T-True… ok, let’s d-do it” Jimmy said

_We walked back to Mr. Marsh_

“We’ll do it” Butter said

“Really? Thanks a lot guys” Mr. Marsh said like a little kid “Ok, as a thank you gift, I’ll teach one of you something that will help you”

“S-Something helpful?” Jimmy asked

“Can one of you fart really bad?” Mr. Marsh asked

“W-What…?” Jimmy said confused

“Douchebag can” Butter said as I got all embarrassed “Oh, sorry”

“Who is Douchebag?” Mr. Marsh said

“Is him” Butters pointed at me “He move in yesterday”

“Oh, a new kid, I see” Mr. Marsh said “Ok Douchebag, follow me to the restroom”

“W-What?” Jimmy said

_What? I suddenly don’t trust this guy…_

“Well, we can’t do it in the middle of the place, right?” Randy said

_I trust him less…_

“Don’t worry Douchebag, it might sound bad, but Mr. Marsh is a good person” Butter said “I know he’ll teach you something that will help us in our adventure”

_Ughh, fine, I’ll do it, but only for you guys. I nod and Mr. Marsh started walking to the restroom_

“If h-he tries anything funny j-just yell and we’ll g-go help you” Jimmy told me

“Thanks…” I said and follow Mr. Marsh

_I entered and Mr. Marsh was in a completely different outfit, he was wearing a karate gi, did he had it under his clothes? Ok, this sets it, this guy is weird_

“So, you think you have strong farts?” Mr. Marsh said in a serious tone

_What the f…!?_

“But strength alone is not going to help you this time” He said “In order to infiltrate Taco Bell security, you’ll need a new weapon in your arsenal”

_Ok… I really don’t want to use my farts if I don’t need to, but if it helps me to protect Jimmy and Butters, I’ll do it_

“I’m going to teach you a way to distract far away targets with your farts” Mr. Marsh said

_From far away? How?_

“Look at this” Mr. Marsh said

_Mr. Marsh farted in his hand, which is super gross… and somehow, he shaped the fart like a ball and throw it behind me, or at least that’s what he said he did. And somehow again, I heard the fart explode behind me. There was no way this was real, but Mr. Marsh demonstrate it a few more times and to prove this wasn’t a trick_

“Is called the Sneaky Squeaker, and is an advance way of farting” Mr. Marsh said “This will help you infiltrate the Taco Bell no problem”

_Yeah, he is right, this might have more uses down the lane… I just hope Jimmy and Butters look away as I do it. It took about an hour to completely master the move, but it was done_

“Good job, young Douchebag” Mr. Marsh told me seriously “I wish you have a safe journey” He said and bow to me

_Thank you, Mr. Marsh. I wake at him goodbye and leave the restroom. I looked around and most of the adults were gone, Jimmy and Butters were still waiting for me, so I ran at them and they saw me_

“You are back” Butter said

“W-What tool you s-so long? We w-were worried” Jimmy said

“I’m sorry, but everything went well” I said

“Great” Butters said

“H-He didn’t do a-anything weird t-to you, right?” Jimmy asked me

“No, but he himself was very weird” I said

“T-That’s Randy” Jimmy said

“So, we are ready to go?” Butter said

“Yeah, I want to get these clothes off, so let’s hurry” I said

_Jimmy and Butters nodded and we leave the community center. The UFO fell on the mall where Butters cleaned my face yesterday after being attacked by Token’s guard, there was a big commotion outside, apparently someone was ‘silenced’ after asking too much questions. There were guards with blue uniforms and the look… familiar…_

“Hey, there are some little houses near the Taco Bell” Butters said

“T-Those are portable rooms, m-maybe we can g-get the information f-from there” Jimmy said

_I have a bad feeling, a terrible feeling, I want to go home_

“A-Are you ok?” Jimmy shook me out my thoughts

“Yeah… Why do you ask?” I said

“Y-You are sweating” Jimmy said

“You look like you saw a ghost” Butter said

“I’m fine… Let’s go” I said

_Jimmy and Butters looked at each other doubtful, but they nod in agreement. We advanced slow but safely, I used the Sneaky Squeaker to lead the guards away from us. Everything was going fine so far. We reach to where there were a lot of portable rooms, some of them connected through vents_

“Hey, the vents are big enough for us” Butter said “If we go through them, they won’t find us”

“I g-guess you are r-right” Jimmy said “S-Should we d-do it?

“Y-Yeah, that should work” I said stuttering a bit

“A-Are you sure y-you are ok?” Jimmy asked “You don’t look so good”

“Yes… Maybe I’m finally running out of energy” I lied

“T-That’s why I t-told you to s-stay home” Jimmy said

“Let’s just finish this so we can leave” I said getting desperate

_Jimmy looked worried, but he and Butters nodded, we entered the vent and crawl through them for a while. We heard voices near a room, and we stop near them to spy, inside there was a bunch of people in business suits, I start recording the conversation with my phone to Mr. Marsh_

“… are unable to stop leaking of the UFO, we contained it, but there are not guaranties that an outbreak won’t occur” On of the official said

_I looked around the room, if feel… I been to a place like this before… The guys in suit also look very familiar to me, but they can’t be here, there is no way they…_

“And the liquid seems to have the same effects as before?” Another officer said

“Yes, if the alien liquid touches any organic material, they turn into… Nazi Zombies” The first officer said

_The officer push a button and window open to a containment cell, in it there was a person with green skin and yelling stuff in german_

“Wow, nazi zombies” Butter said amazed

“W-Why nazi? They c-could be just german” Jimmy said

“God dammit, nazi zombies again” Another officer said

_My whole body froze, and I started sweating cold. That guy, why is he here? Why so soon? No… I don’t want to…_


	10. Calm before the storm

**Jimmy P.O.V**

_We were in the vent spying on the mysterious government agents. Ok, so, the alien ship is leaking toxic waste and if someone touches the waste it became a nazi zombie… Is not that out of the ordinary here in South Park, but that doesn’t mean we are fine with it. The government agents are currently discussing how to deal with it_

“If anyone get his hands on the toxin, he could spread it. We have a big problem” One of the officers said

“That sounds bad” Butter said

“Y-Yeah, I can think of a f-few people who’ll want t-to get that” I said “T-They’ll better deal w-with it soon”

“Yeah” Butter said

“W-What do you t-think Douche?” I waited, but he didn’t answer “Douche…? D-Douche!”

_I look at Douchebag and he was hugging himself trembling in fear, Butters and I crawl to him to try to calm him down. Why is he like this?_

“D-Douche, Douche, a-are you ok? S-Stay with me?” I try to call to him, but it didn’t work

“Is just like yesterday” Butter said

“Y-Yesterday?” I asked

“Yeah, he got like this when we went in Kenny’s guess house. We need to get him out of here”

“R-Right”

_We started dragging Douche out, but his phone fell on the vent and I turn back to grab it and accidentally managed to hear the last of the officers meeting_

“We are going to blow up the area around the contaminated zone and we’ll make something about an earthquake to cover it. We can still contain this if we act fast” An old government guy with a patch said

_BLOW UP! They are going to destroy the town!? The other officers agreed to the idea and left soon after… Oh no… What now?_

_I went back to Butter who was already outside. We were ready to escape, but without Douchebag help, we won’t be able to get far, that’s when alarms started going off. A huge commotion started nearby and everyone were out of control, and luckily, we were able to us it to run away without getting notice_

_We keep running for a few streets until we knew we were out of danger, we were at City Wok when we finally decide to rest_

“How is D-Douchebag?” I asked Butter who was carrying him

“He looks fine” He said and lay Douche by a tree “He passed out”

“D-Did this happen y-yesterday too?”

“Yeah. What do you think cause it?” He said and we both sit by Douche

“I d-don’t know, maybe h-he was scared o-of the zombies? What c-caused yesterday?”

“It happened after we entered Kenny’s guess house”

“H-His guess house? O-Oh, you mean t-the lab in h-his garage”

“Lab?”

“Oh, d-don’t worry about it”

* * *

**Douchebag P.O.V**

_I slowly open my eyes… Where am I…? What was I…?_

“Aahh!” I yelled suddenly

_The Government. No! I felt someone grab me, I punch him away, I tried to stand up to run, but someone stop me. I struggle in panic_

“Douche, calm down, is us” I heard a familiar voice

_I look to the person who was holding me to see and scared Butters and pass him was Jimmy rubbing his cheek in pain. My mind finally started functioning, I relax, but panicked once again when I realized why was Jimmy hurt_

“Did I…?” I said

“Hehe, is o-ok” Jimmy said smiling “But d-damn, that was a g-good punch”

“I’m sorry…”

“Is f-fine, we s-should had been m-more careful” Jimmy said smiling again

_I fell to the floor, my mind and body was at their limits_

“Douche!” My friends yelled

“I’m ok, just tired…” I said to calm them down

“Thank god” Butter said

“L-Let’s go to m-my house” Jimmy said, and we all agree

_Walking back to Jimmy’s house we saw the community building, were Mr. Marsh was waiting for us_

“Hey, we should give the information to Mr. Marsh” I said

“Y-You still w-want to keep going w-with this?” Jimmy asked me and I nod

“I can go and catch to you guys later” Butter said

“But we still need to go to the goths” I said

“I can do that too” Butter said

“Y-Yeah, you seriously n-need to rest, you b-barely sleep yesterday, right?” Jimmy said

“Is ok, we just need to finish this and I’ll go to sleep, promise” I said, and Jimmy and Butters agreed

_We entered the community center, Mr. Marsh face lit up when he saw us_

“Hey everyone, the kids are back” Mr. Marsh said, it looks like he told everyone about our mission “So, did you find anything?”

_I got out my phone and start playing the recording. He started listening, but got impatient, grabbed my phone and forward some of the recording_

“They are going to blow up the city?” Mr. Marsh said

_He totally missed the part about the zombies and went directly to the end, it was my first time hearing it too. The people panicked not knowing what to do until Mr. Marsh took control, saying how they are not going to let Taco Bell take their town_

“Thank you kids, we wouldn't be able to do this without your help” He said and got the goth’s sign “Here, I’ll take you a pic with your sign”

_We tape the sign to the main table and Mr. Marsh took a picture of us with my phone. Jimmy and Butters thank him, and we leave the center_

“Great, look’s like the adults are going to solve the problem with Taco Bell” Butter said

“I d-don’t trust them, b-but is not like we could do s-something about it” Jimmy said

“Yeah. We just need to take this to the goths and we’ll be over” I said holding my phone

_We walk back to the school, we entered the alley and the goths were still loitering there. I’ll finally be able to take off these clothes_

“They are back” Henrietta said, I got out my phone and show them the photo

“They did it” Pete said

“Nice” Henrietta said

“I can’t believe you actually did it” Michael said

“Ok New Kid, you officially prove yourself” Pete said

_Huzzah_

“When you need us, call us and we’ll be there” Michael said giving me a note with their phone numbers

“Awesome” Butters yelled excited

“Y-Yeah, this took longer t-than expected” Jimmy said smiling “But we d-did it”

_I nodded smiling to them and we leave to Jimmy’s house_

“Guys” Butters said “I’m going to tell Eric the good news so you guys can relax. I’ll see you guys in a bit”

“Butters wait” I said before he ran off

“What is it?” He said

“I need to talk to you two” I said

“It is a-about what K-Kyle said?” Jimmy asked and Butters gave us a confused look

“Something like it” I said “I want to tell you, but I really need to sit down, can we hurry to your house Jimmy?”

“S-Sure” Jimmy said and we hasten our step

_After entering the house, I almost fell down to the floor, but Butters managed to catch me and carry me to the sofa, the same one I woke on_

“Do you want me to take off your clothes?” Butters asked me

“Ah…” I blush “No, I’ll do it later”

“W-We didn’t do m-much, but I f-felt like I walked a m-marathon” Jimmy said sitting on a chair and rubbing his arms

“No joke” Butter said

“Hehe, I s-see what you d-did there” Jimmy said and Butters giggle

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Butters asked me

“Butters, do you like being in the human team?” I asked back

“Oh, well… I do, I like to be in the same team that Kenny and you” Butters said

“R-Really? Even with C-Cartman bossing you around a-all day?” Jimmy said

“Is not that bad” Butters said

“Yeah it is” I said “He yells at you constantly and doesn’t respect you, you do all the things he should just because he doesn’t want to do it himself”

“Mmm… I mean… No, you are right” Butters said

“S-So, you are going to a-accept Kyle’s offer?” Jimmy asked me

“What offer?” Butters asked

“H-He want’s Douche to j-join the elves” Jimmy said

“Oh… It wouldn’t be that bad, their base is way better than ours” Butters said sadly

“I won’t join the elves” I said

“Then…” Butters tried to say

“But I won’t return to the humans either” I said and Jimmy and Butters looked at me confused “Jimmy, Butters, this is what I want to do…”

* * *

_It was sunset, the sun has turned the sky red while disappearing into the horizon. We watch from a far as the armies of humans and elves reunite in the school, ready for their final battle. We heard the sound of the war horn and the battle began. I look back to see at my team_

“I feel like such a homo sapien right now” Michael the goth said

“Oh, you don’t look that bad” Butters said, but only got a scoff from the goth kids

“W-We are ready t-to go” Jimmy said and I nod

“I’m nervous” Butter said, I pat his back to tell him it was going to be ok

_It won’t be easy, but today, the Grand Wizard and the Elven King are going down_


End file.
